Pizza Hut Japan Just Released a “Drinkable Pizza” and I’m Horrified (But Intrigued)

A new “drinkable” pizza has made its way to the Pizza Hut menu. The bad news: Someone thought a pizza with toppings you could drink would be a good idea, and then roped (blackmailed?) innocents into making it. The good news: It’s far, far, far away from us, in Japan. (And only Japan, for right now.) 

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Hey, don’t be sour. You didn’t actually want to try something called a “drinkable pizza,” did you? 

Please stop using the phrase “drinkable pizza” until you explain what that could possibly mean, Ariana. 

Fair. Okay. Simply put, this is a curry cheese pizza. That alone sounds kinda good, right? The “drinkable” part comes in with the heavy amount of curry sauce on top (in lieu of regular pizza sauce) combined with layers of extra-loaded, extra-gooey Gouda cheese. You can, in theory, just slurp it all up, right off the bread. 

Hmm. I’m sitting with it, I’m sitting with it. Trying to digest this info, if you catch my drift…

Sounds like a nightmare for your bowels. 

Definitely. To quote my favorite comment on the IG post announcing it: “If I want curry diarrhea I won’t accept it in the form of drinkable pizza.” Hard agree, @jonscrambo1911. And I’ll also add: this is drinkable Pizza Hut pizza. If you order this, you are signing a contract with the universe to accept whatever consequence happens later in the bathroom. 

It has also come to my attention that this is not the first “drinkable pizza” that Japanese Pizza Huts have released.

Apparently, “drinkable pizza” is a series they like to do. Another recent one was a “Special Meat Sauce Gratin,” which includes a penne white sauce, cheese sauce, special meat sauce, parmesan, and parsley. That’s three sauces in one pizza. Egregious. Wait, why am I salivating? 

Am I… coming around to the idea of drinkable pizza? 

I promise no one is more surprised than myself, but… I think so? Here’s why: 

• You know how 7-Eleven in Japan is way better than it is here? I think the same principle applies to Pizza Hut. I just inherently trust them to make better food, even if that food sounds clinically insane and capable of hospitalizing me. 
• The official imagery of the whole pizza pie looks very artful and carefully constructed, with ribbons of molten, broiled cheese swirled over the curry. I’ve always been a slut for attention to detail. Sometimes, the way to my stomach is through my eyes. 
• I love offending Italy. 
• And the real kicker: You get fries with your order, which you’re supposed to use to soak up the sauce. That’s the literal cherry on top for me, to be honest. 

I cannot believe I’m about to say this: Bring drinkable pizza to the United States, pronto. I need to see this absolute abomination in person. I’ll even sign the contract and accept the consequences. And for those of you in Japan, you better act fast—this pizza is only available through mid-June!