I Swear These Nuggets Taste Exactly Like Chick-fil-A’s 

It’s a common problem: Suddenly you’re craving Chick-fil-A nuggets, but for whatever reason, you can’t get them. Why? Dude, I could come up with so many scenarios for this that have, at the very least, happened to me personally. Let’s go over a few: 

Videos by Sporked

• It’s Sunday. It is a truth, universally acknowledged, that everyone always wants Chick-fil-A on Sunday. 
• It’s lightly drizzling outside, and you live in Los Angeles, California, which means you’re suddenly under flood watch, and if you leave your home there’s a good chance you’ll get into a car wreck and die. I’m not exaggerating. What is wrong with this city??
• Your close personal friend, a card-carrying queer, no longer works at your local Chick-fil-A, which means now it’s definitely homophobic to give those bastards your money. (Before, those two things sorta cancelled each other out, you know?)
• You’ve realized, going from young adulthood into full adulthood, that whatever Chick-fil-A uses to fry their chicken makes you literally sick to your stomach. Like, it’s delicious, but it’s poison to me. (Please tell me I’m not the only one who experiences this.) 

Never fear, Sporked is here. You don’t need to betray the gays any longer. You can just buy these store-bought chicken nuggets instead. 

I’ve said it before, in several other articles, and now I’m saying it here, with finality, once and for all: Just Bare Chicken Nuggets. Just Bare. Chicken Nuggets. Just. Bare. Chicken. Nuggets. Just Bare? Chicken Nuggets? Yes. Just Bare, Chicken Nuggets. To my editor, reading this (hi Gwynedd): No, that wasn’t me attempting to reach my word count. I meant every single word. 

Ariana, do they really taste exactly the same? C’mon…

THEY DO. THEY TASTE THE SAME. 

Fine. But I’m actually craving a Chick-fil-A chicken sandwich and fries, so…

OKAY. BET:

• Just Bare Chicken Patties taste exactly like Chick-fil-A chicken patties. You’re welcome! 
• Grown in Idaho Crispy Waffle Fries even have the little bits of potato skin still attached, just like Chick-fil-A! 

The only thing that Chick-fil-A really succeeds at that you can’t find anywhere else, in my humble opinion, is their chicken minis. I have actual real salivatory dreams about their chicken minis. And I don’t understand why no other restaurant or grocery brand has ever tried to recreate them. KFC, I’m on my hands and knees here. 

Now if you will excuse me, I’m clearly on the verge of a mental breakdown. Toodles!