The Best Canned Booze if You Don’t Like Beer

I’m sorry to everyone this will offend, but I just don’t like beer. It’s too bitter and having a stomach full of the stuff when you’re trying to have a good time is about the worst thing I can imagine. I made peace with drinking light beer back in college when I played beer darts and frequently had to pound a half dozen cans of Bud Light in an hour. That’s when Stockholm syndrome kicked in and I decided beer wasn’t that bad. But now I’m an adult and I can do much better than “not that bad.” In fact, there are all sorts of boozy canned bevs that are downright delicious. If you’re like me and would rather grab anything than a beer from the cooler, this is the list for you.

Cutwater Tequila Paloma

Cutwater makes a lot of canned cocktails. In fact, the Sporked crew tried 19 during a recent taste test. Many of them are excellent, but if you want to cut to the chase and just try the best of the best, grab the Tequila Paloma. It’s essentially just a grapefruit soda with a touch of tequila, and strikes a perfect balance of being boozy and refreshing. Although it comes in a convenient can, take editor-in-chief Justine Sterling’s tip and enjoy this in a highball glass with a garnish of grapefruit peel to really enjoy the experience!

Related: The Best Cutwater Flavors, Ranked

Cazadores Spicy Margarita

If you like your bevs sweet and spicy (rather than bitter like beer), try the Cazadores Spicy Margarita, which not only tastes good but comes premixed and in a can. According to Justine, Sporked‘s resident cocktail expert, it has just enough heat to warm you up without burning your lips off. Sure, there’s no salted rim, but what it lacks in presentation it makes up for by requiring zero effort.

The Finnish Long Drink

Okay, this citrusy canned bev might not have the most descriptive name (why is it “long”??), but it has a few other things going for it. For one, it’s endorsed by Miles Teller, so if you liked the Top Gun sequel, then I guess that’s cool! More importantly, it tastes good. “Made with citrus soda, gin, and a hint of juniper berry, it’s essentially a spiked Fresca,” Justine wrote, adding that it’s like a better version of a canned Gin & Tonic. Still not sure why it’s a “long” drink, but you’ll be glad it’s not a short one.

Related: 10 Best Canned Cocktails to Keep in Your Fridge at All Times

Jiant Taco Tuesday

This hard kombucha—the Sporked crew’s favorite—is brewed with green tea and honey, and is flavored with jalapeño and pineapple. And just like the Cazadores Spicy Margarita, it has a little heat to balance out the sweet. If that doesn’t sound good to you, I’m sorry, but we can’t relate. The next time you’re tempted to suffer through a bottle of beer just because it’s what you’re supposed to drink with your tacos, grab a can of this instead. Jiant Taco Tuesday and a paper plate of al pastor tacos by the beach at sunset? Heaven.

Related: The Best Hard Kombucha

2 Towns Ciderhouse Pacific Pineapple

As a beer decrier, it’s easy for me to see why hard cider has fans. It’s sweet and tart rather than bitter and watery, but it’s just as refreshing as beer can be. 2 Towns Ciderhouse Pacific Pineapple has all the goodness of a high-quality hard apple cider with a tropical twist. As managing editor Gwynedd Stuart described it, “This cider has a wonderful, natural sweetness that’s super juicy without being cloying.” This will have you longing for long late Summer days.

Related: The Best Hard Apple Cider

For Bitter For Worse Eva’s Spritz

Beer is bad, but non-alcoholic beer might truly be one of the circles in my own personal hell. All the taste of beer without the upside of a buzz? Nightmare inducing. For those who agree with that sentiment, Eva’s Spritz from For Bitter For Worse is here to save the day when you’re looking for something besides N/A beer to drink. “There’s something so warm and bright about this mocktail,” Gwynedd wrote. “It’s sweet but not at all cloying, and every sip makes you ponder its components.” If you don’t like beer, this is so, so much better than a can of O’Doul’s.

Related: The Best Canned Mocktails

About the Author

Vinz Karl

Vinz Karl is a freelance contributor to Sporked and self-proclaimed Guy Fieri superfan. He believes in breakfast supremacy and is on a never-ending mission to try every flavor of Oreo out there. Originally from the Midwest, Vinz now resides in Los Angeles, where you can find him going on hikes, checking out new restaurants, and preparing for his eventual casting on CBS's Survivor.

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