It’s starting to feel like Coca-Cola uses a Mad Libs book to plan their new releases. Case in point, Coca-Cola Happy Tears, a new version of Coca-Cola Zero Sugar “with a salty splash of minerals.” It’s sold exclusively on TikTok Shop in the form of a “hype kit” for $9.99. We were lucky enough to secure one of these kits before they sold out; now we’re forgoing an easy eBay payday to review it for you.
Once we stopped being distracted by the shiny briefcase, shirt, sticker pack, and tissues included in the hype kit, we came to a shocking conclusion about the actual soda behind all this expensive marketing.
Pros: It tastes good? I’ll explain that ambivalence later in the “cons” section. The fizz level is closer to what you get in mineral water than standard Coca-Cola. While I couldn’t taste it, a few of my friends caught a subtle fruit undertone that Coca-Cola claims is “a sweet pinch of peach.” I know what you’re here for though: What about the hype? I’m a sucker for good branding, so I was charmed by the 3D “teardrop” on each can. And the surprisingly subtle long-sleeve shirt is a welcome addition to my ever-growing collection of beverage wear. A couple of the stickers will end up on my laptop.
I think I’ve exhausted everything nice I can say about this product; it’s time to drop the bombshell.
Cons: It just tastes like regular Coca-Cola Zero Sugar! It’s unbelievable that the most extravagantly marketed Coca-Cola Creations flavor to date is just…slightly fizzier than normal. It feels like we got robbed of a more exciting flavor profile because Coca-Cola didn’t want to risk putting out a divisive flavor for a launch that was promoted by TikTok stars sampling the soda live on camera. I wish they’d committed to the theme by really upping the salt level. Pepsi sells extra-salty Gatorade and it’s awesome! Coca-Cola Happy Tears Zero Sugar isn’t bad, it’s just boring. Unfortunately, this “hype kit” is an easy product to summarize: The soda is the least exciting part.
Griffin Parker is a writer, award-winning charity auctioneer, and "influencer in the beverage space" according to a few PR agencies. Please do not ask him about the cotton candy business he started right out of high school. When he's not contributing to Sporked or running the @SodaSeekers news pages, you can find Griffin espousing the virtues of Dayton-style pizza, Cincinnati-style chili, and Dolly Parton's Fabulously Fudgy Brownie Mix.
Thoughts? Questions? Complete disagreement? Leave a comment!
Thoughts? Questions? Complete disagreement? Leave a comment!