Totino’s New Pizza Roll Flavors Are Pretty Wild

Whenever I think of Totino’s, I’m immediately transported to the series of SNL sketches in which Vanessa Bayer feeds her “hungry guys,” and things get progressively stranger and, ultimately, more romantic. You know the ones? Good stuff. Well now, Totino’s is trying to feed your hungry guys with some flavors that might finally distract them from the big game. The pizza roll brand has some new options coming out in its Blasted line, and they’re eye-catching to say the least. 

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Well, eye-catching. Taste bud-catching. Maybe slightly overwhelming. That remains to be seen – but let’s talk about them. 

Blasted Totino’s Pizza Rolls

According to @candyhunting, one of our go-to sources for all things new product release, Totino’s and General Mills are debuting three new Blasted flavors. In case you’re not sure what these are, the Blasted line is a subsection of Totino’s Pizza Rolls that come dusted (or blasted) with a coating of extra flavor. This gives the brand license to push the boat out more than it normally would, and hit (or, again, blast) customers with combos that are, to say the least, bold. 

And bold these certainly are. The three new options coming from Totino’s to a grocery shelf near you are…drumroll please…

• Zesty Limón Blasted Pepperoni: A pepperoni and cheese-filled pizza roll hit with a dusting of chili and lime seasoning. These look positively radioactive, it must be said: If the packaging is anything to go by, they’re bright red and pretty intense. 
• Garlic Parm Blasted Pepperoni: Perhaps a slightly more sober outing from Totino’s here (although by regular food standards, these aren’t sober at all – but you get what I mean). This one has, once again, a pepperoni and cheese interior and a garlic and parmesan crust. 
•  Nacho Boom Blasted Cheese: One for the vegetarians, maybe? A cheese filling with a nacho cheese-flavored blast on the outside. Pair it with a queso and go hell for leather on those cheese flavors.

And What Do People Think?

Well, if @candyhunting’s comment section is anything to go by, these might just be a hit. “I. Want. All of them!” said one person, one of a fair few who seem excited about Totino’s new offers (as of the time of writing this article, the post discussing their release has well over 400 comments, so there’s a lot of enthusiasm flying around). That said, a couple of people did point out the lurid color of the Zesty Límon Blasted Pepperoni flavor. “Red 40,” states one comment, with a heart-eyes emoji. Dripping with irony.

These look set to be available at Walmart, and they’ve already started popping up on its website. Get yours now. Game day for the hungry guys? Sorted.