An Honest Review of Snapple Sour Patch Kids

I’m an elder millennial. That means I firmly believe that everything was better in the ‘90s, and not just because that’s the truth. MTV played music videos. No one had to know who Elon Musk is or what he thinks about the world. And Snapple counted as a perfectly healthy beverage to accompany a balanced lunch. Sure, a 16 ounce bottle of Snapple Fruit Punch has 42 grams of sugar—but it’s fruit punch. Fruit = healthy. Case closed!

Now it’s 2024 and everything SUCKS, in part because we’re burdened with the knowledge that Snapple is basically just candy you can drink. But the good news here is that Snapple is leaning into its sugary identity with a chewy new collab: Snapple Sour Patch Kids. They come in three Snapple-y flavors: Kiwi Strawberry, Mango Madness, and Fruit Punch. I was always a Snapple Peach Tea guy myself, but I put on some Nirvana (Bleach, not Nevermind) and gave these a shot.

New Product!

Snapple Sour Patch Kids

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Pavilions

Pros: Well, the biggest pro here is that these are Sour Patch Kids, so they’re delicious. They have that addictive chew and sugary coating that scrapes the roof of your mouth, just as god and Mondelez International intended. Mango Madness is the best of the flavors—it’s really sweet and tropical. I ran out of those first.

Cons: You’re getting less variety in a bag of Snapple Sour Patch Kids than you are in a regular old bag of Sour Patch Kids, and I kind of hate that. Also, two of the three flavors are just so-so. Fruit punch kinda tastes like cough drops and Kiwi Strawberry doesn’t taste like much of anything, even though I remember Kiwi Strawberry Snapple having a pretty distinct flavor profile. Anyway, next time I want a dose of ‘90s nostalgia, I’ll probably just smoke a clove cigarette or put on some Seinfeld reruns (again).

Rating:

7/10

Sporks

About the Author

Howdy! I’m Gwynedd, Sporked’s managing editor. I live in Los Angeles and have access to the best tacos the U.S. has to offer—but I’m a sucker for a crunchy Old El Paso taco night every now and then. I’ve been at Sporked since 2022 and I’m still searching frozen mozzarella sticks that can hold a candle to restaurant sticks. Why you should trust me: I’ve been a journalist for 20 years (yikes), a consumer of food for 40-plus years, and I’m truly hard pressed to think of foods I don’t like (or that I can’t tolerate at the very least). Oh and one time I cooked my way through Guy Fieri’s cookbook and wrote about the journey through Flavortown. What I buy every week: Trader Joe’s Original Savory Thins. Fat free plain yogurt (usually Fage or Nancy’s). Honeycrisp apples. Sweet cream coffee creamer for my at-home Americanos. A frozen cauliflower crust pizza and some jarred mushrooms to top it with. Old El Paso Stand ‘N Stuff taco shells and Gardein Ground Be’f, even though I think “be’f” is a nightmarish contraction. Favorite ranking: Stouffer’s frozen dinners. I don’t own a microwave (I get my cancers the old fashioned way!), so I love taste testing things that I don’t really buy to eat at home. Least favorite ranking: Soy sauce. Don’t get me wrong, I love soy sauce—but consuming that much sodium in one sitting is probably illegal in some countries. Our frozen enchilada taste test was a close second; the smell of microwaved corn tortillas still haunts me.