We Tried the New Snapple Sour Patch Kids

I’m an elder millennial. That means I firmly believe that everything was better in the ‘90s, and not just because that’s the truth. MTV played music videos. No one had to know who Elon Musk is or what he thinks about the world. And Snapple counted as a perfectly healthy beverage to accompany a balanced lunch. Sure, a 16 ounce bottle of Snapple Fruit Punch has 42 grams of sugar—but it’s fruit punch. Fruit = healthy. Case closed! 

Now it’s 2024 and everything SUCKS, in part because we’re burdened with the knowledge that Snapple is basically just candy you can drink. But the good news here is that Snapple is leaning into its sugary identity with a chewy new collab: Snapple Sour Patch Kids. They come in three Snapple-y flavors: Kiwi Strawberry, Mango Madness, and Fruit Punch. I was always a Snapple Peach Tea guy myself, but I put on some Nirvana (Bleach, not Nevermind) and gave these a shot.

New Product!

Snapple Sour Patch Kids

Amazon

Pavilions

Pros: Well, the biggest pro here is that these are Sour Patch Kids, so they’re delicious. They have that addictive chew and sugary coating that scrapes the roof of your mouth, just as god and Mondelez International intended. Mango Madness is the best of the flavors—it’s really sweet and tropical. I ran out of those first. 

Cons: You’re getting less variety in a bag of Snapple Sour Patch Kids than you are in a regular old bag of Sour Patch Kids, and I kind of hate that. Also, two of the three flavors are just so-so. Fruit punch kinda tastes like cough drops and Kiwi Strawberry doesn’t taste like much of anything, even though I remember Kiwi Strawberry Snapple having a pretty distinct flavor profile. Anyway, next time I want a dose of ‘90s nostalgia, I’ll probably just smoke a clove cigarette or put on some Seinfeld reruns (again). 

Rating:

7/10

Sporks