Flowers Are Dead. Long Live the Cheese Bouquet.

Words of affirmation. Quality time. Physical touch. Acts of service. Cheese. Those are the five love languages, and Wisconsin Cheese is capitalizing on the best one Valentine’s Day. They’ve just debuted their “Wedges of Love”—a limited-edition, artisan cheese “bouquet” intended to be gazed at longingly and then devoured. Because nothing says romance like a night of gastrointestinal distress. Swoon. 

*seductive voice* Tell me more about the cheese. 

Each box includes nine award-winning cheese wedges commissioned by some of Wisconsin’s oldest, finest, stinkiest cheesemakers. To make it worth the value, it also comes with four stainless steel knives, a personalized poem, and a guide to wine pairings and recipes that incorporate the cheeses. 

Those nine cheeses are:

• Carr Valley Cheese Company’s Cranberry Chipotle Cheddar
• Deer Creek Cheese’s The Carawaybou
• Hoard’s Dairyman Farm Creamery’s Belaire
• Landmark Creamery’s Tallgrass Reserve
• Marieke Gouda’s Foenegriek
• Roelli Cheese Haus’ Dunbarton Blue
• Roth Cheese’s Grand Cru Reserve
• Sartori Cheese’s SarVecchio Parmesan
• Uplands Cheese Company’s Pleasant Ridge Reserve

Wait, wait. You called it a “box” of artisan cheeses. I thought it was a bouquet?

I mean, they shape the cheese wedges into a pretty bouquet within the box. Contrary to the photo above, it’s not exactly an arrangement you can place in a vase and use a centerpiece. You probably figured as much, because you have something called common sense, but I had to investigate to be sure. 

How much does this limited-edition cheese bouquet cost? 

I won’t sugar-coat your cheese dreams, buddy. It’s $100 per box… but overnight shipping is completely free if you order from their website, and they deliver anywhere in the United States. That’s great for procrastinators like me. I’m going to keep this in mind if I forget to buy myself a Valentine’s Day gift this year.