5 Pumpkin-Flavored Grocery Store Buys That Have Gone Too Far (And Are Kind of Terrifying)

As a notorious pumpkin spice hater, I constantly see new product releases in orange-hued packaging touting claims of “pumpkin spice flavor” and wonder how fall came to be overwhelmingly defined by pumpkins, cinnamon, and nutmeg. But, alas, the people clamor for pumpkin spice, and restaurants, food brands, and even cleaning products aim to deliver (yes, there really are pumpkin spice “flavored” cleaning products).

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No matter how much you enjoy a warm pumpkin spice latte or other fall-flavored item, I think we can all agree that sometimes, pumpkin spice goes too far. And I’ve rounded up a few grocery store items that have crossed the line from weird into absolutely terrifying — and perhaps even terrible-tasting.

Pumpkin Spice Spam

Spam is controversial enough on its own. And if you were on the fence about whether or not this canned meat product is worth eating in its original form, you’re going to be as shocked as I was when I discovered that Pumpkin Spice Spam exists.

Listen, I have no qualms about eating Spam (spam musubi is a staple in my takeout diet). But Pumpkin Spice Spam? No way am I cracking a can open. Yes, it’s a limited-edition flavor, but frankly, I think it should’ve never gotten onto store shelves.

Some who’ve tried it say it isn’t really that awful. And its mix of seasonal spices do sound somewhat appetizing; pumpkin spice tends to lean sweet, and Spam is often served as a breakfast staple if you’re dining in Hawaii. But I simply can’t bring myself to get excited about cinnamon-spiced meat when I’m already not keen on breakfast sausage. 

Pumpkin Spice-Flavored Bacon

Speaking of too-sweet breakfast meats, Reddit users spotted an absolute abomination of a grocery store product in the meat department: Pumpkin Spice-Flavored Thick Cut Bacon, courtesy of Hatfield.

Wondering what pumpkin spice-flavored bacon might taste like? Well, I’m thinking about hints of breakfast sausage a la that Pumpkin Spice Spam. But according to Hatfield, it’s “sweet and savory” in flavor yet also “bold [and] savory” — so it’s either something you’re going to love or hate, I think. 

Bacon on its own can improve just about any breakfast. This bacon, though? I’d rather throw it out than risk ruining the flavor of my eggs, waffles, or pancakes. And I suspect it’d be a tricky one to enjoy any way other than on its own.

Pumpkin Spice Chardonnay

As a wine enthusiast, I’m down to try pretty much any varietal. But pumpkin spice is a divisive flavor, and it has nothing to do with grapes… so when I first spotted Pumpkin Spice Chardonnay at Trader Joe’s, I immediately veered away from it. As one Reddit user summed it up, “Pumpkin spice wine might be where I draw the line.”

Yes, it’s real, and surprisingly, it has a pretty big fan base. Those who like a classic pumpkin spice latte also enjoy a bottle of this odd white wine, which is made with sweet Chardonnay juice and what Trader Joe’s calls “natural Pumpkin Spice flavoring” (whatever that means). 

I haven’t been brave enough to spend money on a bottle, but those who’ve tried it describe it as “pretty terrible” and “SO sweet I don’t understand how they call it a Chardonnay.” Even if you think sweet wines are your jam, others say this one is “So absurdly sweet and off-tasting. Like syrup mixed with some alcohol.” Some even compare it to “a cream soda with pumpkin.”

Pumpkin Spice Tortilla Chips

I’ve never put a tortilla chip into my mouth and thought, “Man, I wish this chip had more flavor.” After all, they’re purely a crunchy, salty vehicle for cheese, salsa, guacamole and plenty of other dips — so they don’t exactly need to deliver their own flavor. But someone at Target looked at these beloved chips and thought, “What about pumpkin spice?”

That’s what I assume led to the creation of Favorite Day Pumpkin Spice Tortilla Chips, a private label product from Target that’s supposedly fall-inspired. The product description calls the chips “a sweet and decadent autumn treat,” but I can’t figure out what’s decadent about tortilla chips that have a spiced, slightly sweet flavor to them. 

I’m too worried these chips will ruin any cheese or dip I pair them with, so I’ll be leaving this for the inevitable post-Halloween clearance sale that happens.

Pumpkin Pie Dessert Hummus

Lastly, when I spotted a pumpkin pie-inspired hummus at my local grocery store, I was both intrigued and slightly terrified. A sweet take on savory hummus starring the divisive fall flavor? No thanks. Boar’s Head Pumpkin Pie Dessert Hummus sounds like the worst of both worlds.

But dessert hummus is a real thing, and apparently, Boar’s Head Pumpkin Pie Dessert Hummus has a fan base. Supposedly, the sweetness mimics a dessert much more than regular ol’ hummus, but I’m still on the fence. After all, it’s described as “creamy steamed chickpeas” that are mixed with sugar, vanilla beans, pumpkin, and “savory fall spices” — which isn’t exactly a dream combo.