Ah, Arizona tea. The giant canned caffeine source of middle schoolers everywhere. The energy drink that isn’t actually an energy drink at all—it just sort of looks like one. The only tea that looks like it knows how to ride a skateboard, listens to Neutral Milk Hotel, and is not like the other girls. Well, sort of. As it turns out, there are more varieties of Arizona Tea than there are Jump Streets—that is to say, there are at least 21 of them, but today we are going to focus on not the flavors, but the vibes. That’s right, this is what Arizona flavor fits your vibe based on your zodiac sign. So sit back, relax, and drink it all in.
Aries (March 21-April 19): Arizona Green Tea with Ginseng and Honey
Just like Aries, this tea is a classic. Everybody likes it, whether they’re tea fans to sugary soda fans—it just scratches that sweet tea itch. It is hard to find anyone who actively dislikes this flavor of Arizona tea, but that doesn’t mean it’s basic. The tea is fruity, earthy, sweet, and complex, just like our Aries friends. Everyone likes this tea and Aries people and they are both top-notch at what they do.
Taurus (April 20-May 20): Arizona Mucho Mango
Mango is a comforting flavor profile that also happens to liven up any situation you introduce it to. Add it to a cocktail, smoothie, dessert, or even a tea, and mango makes it ten times more interesting. This is just like Tauruses who have a unique capacity to both liven up a room, and bring a calm, soothing, comforting vibe into the space at the same time. Does it sound too good to be true? Yes. But believe me, Tauruses are just cool like that.
Gemini (May 21-June 20): Arnold Palmer Half Iced Tea & Half Lemonade
Add astringent, earthy tea to sweet-and-sour, zingy lemonade, and the mixture of the two makes a very interesting and delicious third thing called an Arnold Palmer. I mean, come on. If that’s not Gemini I don’t know what is.
Cancer (June 21-July 22): Arizona Raspberry Iced Tea
Cancers care a lot. They are the mom friends, but with a dash of that goofy dad energy. And for some reason that makes me think about raspberry Arizona tea, I know. Stay with me here—trust the process. There are so many cherry- and strawberry-flavored things out there, but it takes that extra bit of oomph—that little caring touch—for someone to make something raspberry flavored. And maybe it’s because I think raspberry is one of the coolest and most complex naturally occurring flavors out there, but it just feels like someone really gave this flavor some thought, and that person was probably a Cancer.
Leo (July 23-August 22): Arizona Georgia Peach Green Tea with Ginseng & Peach Juice
Peach tea is a staple. It is always top of mind for people. The first flavored tea people probably think of besides classic lemon is our good friend peach, and thus Leos, the first people all of us think of (including Leos), must be the peach Arizona green tea.
Virgo (August 23-September 22): Arizona Fruit Punch
My explanation for this one may not satisfy you Virgos, but here goes: Fruit Punch, at least theoretically, contains all the fruit flavors at once (I got this idea in my head as a kid and no I will not be challenging it today, thank you). Virgos are busy. They don’t have time to have all of the fruit flavors individually. This flavor of Arizona streamlines the process—hence Virgos are Arizona Fruit Punch.
Libra (September 23-October 22): Black & White Iced Tea
The Black & White flavor of Arizona tea is all about balance. It supposedly has the “smooth flavor of black tea” with the “rich nutrients of white tea,” and still has honey and ginseng like the original Arizona green tea. This tea takes a bunch of different flavors and properties and combines them, the same way Libras—balanced queens that they are—can make any number of people in any situation all get along harmoniously.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21): Arizona Cherry Lime Rickey
Scorpios are the Cherry Lime Rickey Arizona because Scorpios are the most mysterious of the signs, and when it comes to Cherry Lime Rickey, I have questions. Namely, did Rickey invent this cherry-lime combo? And, perhaps more importantly, who is Rickey?
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): Arizona RX Energy
Sagittarians are known for being curious and I can tell you firsthand that when I am tired, my curiosity disappears, aside from being curious when I’ll ever consistently get the full physician-recommended eight hours of sleep again. And while regular Arizona tea has some caffeine in it, it’s not even a cup of coffee’s worth. This energy drink, though? This stuff has all the caffeine a Sagittarius could possibly need to stay inquisitive.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19): Arizona Sun Brewed Style Iced Tea with Cranberry Juice
This one is pretty simple. Sun-brewed tea takes a while to steep, and Capricorns are the most sophisticated, mature, and patient of the signs. I’m aware anyone can go buy this in a store but we’re going on vibes here—Capricorns are the deliberate and logical sun-brewed tea of people.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18): Arizona Green Tea Cucumber
Cucumber? In tea? Wacky. And you know who else is wacky and unique? Aquarians. As an individualistic Aquarian myself, I can attest to the fact that this wacky combo kind of sounds awesome to me.
Pisces (February 19-March 20): Arizona Sweet Tea
Sweet tea is nostalgic for so many people. Whether your grandma made it on Sundays or your dad likes the Raspberry Brisk from Costco (which I am aware is just a tea that is sweet and not a Sweet Tea, but work with me here), everyone has some sort of nostalgic connection to sweet tea, and Pisces people LOVE nostalgia. They are also the sweetest of the signs and always know the tea, so this pairing just seems fitting.