The Best Groceries for Garlic Girls

If you keep an eye on food TikTok (hey, don’t forget to follow Sporked!), perhaps you’ve become aware of the concept of a Garlic Girl, i.e. a person who identifies as a woman or girl and enjoys ingesting garlic. Yeah, yeah. Go ahead and throw tomatoes at us for hopping on a trend—we’re just gonna make a garlicky marinara with them. A true love of garlic transcends demographics (and it certainly transcends social media trends). If you’re like me, you want there to be approximately one clove of garlic in every bite of food you eat. When you’re preparing a recipe, you measure garlic with your heart, not a teaspoon. Anyhow, this roundup of Sporked-approved garlicky groceries is for the Garlic Girlie in us all.

Trader Joe’s Garlic Dip Spread

Trader Joe’s Garlic Spread Dip is for the real heads of the garlic world. Yes, it’s labeled “dip,” but don’t put this out as a party unless you want everyone filling the room with hot garlic breath. This is for the garlic lovers who want to close the curtains and privately consume something that’s going to make their breath so kicking, it would most certainly have a negative impact on their social lives. Cook up some kabobs and slather the meat in this creamy, dreamy take on toum. When she was ranking Trader Joe’s dips, managing editor Gwynedd Stuart noted that this one is so garlicky, it practically tingles on your tongue. This will separate the Garlic Girls from the Garlic Ambivalent Girls real quick.

Read the full ranking of the best Trader Joe’s dips

New York Texas Toast Garlic & Butter Croutons 

“New York Bakery has a heavy hand with the garlic” is basically erotica to any garlic lover, and that’s what Gwynedd had to say about the maker of our favorite croutons. New York Bakery’s Garlic & Butter croutons are outrageously garlicky. If you’re a real-deal garlic lover, don’t reserve these for salads. Croutons are a snack, and these are perfect for a quick fix for garlic freaks.

Read the full ranking of the best croutons

Pepperidge Farm Garlic Bread

Not to get all Jeff Foxworthy, but you might be a Garlic Girl if you go out for Italian food specifically to fill up on garlic bread before your meal comes. Well, instead of sending most of your $30 plate of pasta to the local landfill, you can simply stay home, make a loaf of frozen garlic bread, and call it dinner. This Pepperidge Farm garlic bread is the next best thing to restaurant garlic bread, especially for garlic lovers. Besides the sheer surface area of a bisected loaf, you get options. Everyone loves options. As Gwynedd wrote, “You can leave the two halves of the baguette together in the oven if you like a super squishy center, or separate them and put them face up on a cookie sheet if you want the edges to crisp up a little bit.” Really want to go for it? Slather this with Trader Joe’s garlic spread and then email us from heaven to let us know how it is.

Read the full ranking of the best garlic bread

Whole Foods 365 Roasted Garlic Hummus

Hummus is good all on its own, but garlic really amps up the savory flavor (says me, self-proclaimed garlic lover). Need more evidence? This 365 Roasted Garlic hummus isn’t just the best garlic hummus we found in our taste test, it’s the best hummus overall. Sporked contributor Danny Palumbo liked that it has a “deep garlicky flavor with none of the pungency of the raw stuff,” so, yes, you can eat this around others (unlike TJ’s garlic dip). Get the best buttery garlic pita bread you can find and scoop this concoction straight into your mouth, stat!

Read the full ranking of the best hummus

Parmesan Garlic Kettle Chips

Hey, Garlic Girl. You into “powerful” garlic flavor? Yeah, thought so. Get these Kettle chips. In Danny’s Kettle chips ranking, he said that they’re so garlicky, they actually stung his tongue. That should be thrilling, not scary. Being a garlic lover is about embracing the danger: the danger of your friends shunning you, the danger of a heavy garlic odor never coming out of your apartment’s walls, and the danger of the endless pursuit of the best garlicky foods out there.

Read the full ranking of the best Kettle Chip flavors

About the Author

Vinz Karl

Vinz Karl is a freelance contributor to Sporked and self-proclaimed Guy Fieri superfan. He believes in breakfast supremacy and is on a never-ending mission to try every flavor of Oreo out there. Originally from the Midwest, Vinz now resides in Los Angeles, where you can find him going on hikes, checking out new restaurants, and preparing for his eventual casting on CBS's Survivor.

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  • 8 oz tub of whipped butter
    few cloves freshly minced garlic
    garlic powder, to taste
    California garlic salt (the kind with parsley), to taste
    several healthy shakes of green can “parm”
    Let meld and mellow in the fridge for a couple days if you like, but bring to room temp before using.

    Individual Italian rolls or French baguettes, hasselbacked (several cuts into, but not through, the bread).
    Slather garlic butter in all the cuts, and spread some on top. Stuff freshly grated mozz and hard grating cheese into the cuts, letting some of the cheese spill onto the top of the roll/baguette.
    Wrap in foil, stick in 425 deg oven for about 5 minutes. Open the foil and broil till cheese and bread is toasty.

    Bam! Whisk drop.