More brands should go the way of Cheez-It and start making gigantic versions of their products. I’m not talking about big versions; I’m talking about gigantic, eye-popping versions like the Cheez-It in Taco Bell’s Big Cheez-It Tostada, which is currently being field tested in Irvine, California, and involves a cracker that is 16 times the size of a regular Cheez-It. To my mind, this is just the tip of the big-food iceberg, and I won’t rest until every snack food on this list is as big as my face—if not bigger.
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I want a Goldfish cracker so big that I can crack it in half and use it as a bowl for my smaller, lesser Goldfish crackers. I could even give the other half to a friend! Goldfish Mega Bites are a step in the right direction, but following the big Cheez-It’s example, it’s only a matter of time before these mega Goldfish get even bigger. Until then, I’ll be waiting, Pepperidge Farm, with my arms wide open and a giant spoon in hand.
Gargantuan Granola Bar
I can’t be the only one who finds it impossible to eat only one granola bar at a time. My cravings go beyond wanting a king-sized version, since I often end up eating at least three in one go. What if we cut out all the middle men (and saved on plastic) by fashioning a granola bar as big as one of those nearly foot-long Rice Krispie Treats? This would satiate our cravings AND transform snacking with friends into an Olympic sport as we try to throw these granola spears into each others’ mouths, javelin-style. I, for one, am getting my throwing arm ready.
Wouldn’t it be amazing to have a saltine cracker so big that you could use it as a food divider to keep your other foods from touching? Picky eaters, you know what I’m talkin’ about. Saltine crackers are bland in the best way (I would never hate on our dear friend, Saltine). They are the perfect vehicle for flavor because when you start from zero, the only way left is up. I think a bento-style lunch box with super-sized saltines as dividers has the potential to revolutionize the way picky eaters pack their lunches.
Fruit Roll-Up Blanket
I like to imagine that this already exists because edible underwear has to come from somewhere, right? But after our edible underwear is all eaten, we’re going to be cold, underdressed, and likely still hungry. This is where a huge Fruit Roll-Up could really come in handy. Regular Fruit Roll-Ups are pretty sizable as it stands, in relation to my face anyway. And much like granola bars, one never seems to do the trick. I’d like to have one as big as a sheet so that I can use it to make a fort, play Twister on it, or fold it up like I do with regular Fruit Roll-Ups anyway. The possibilities are endless.
Picture a world where you can satisfy both your thirst and your hunger with one super-sized product. The perfect stadium snack/beverage combo has been right under our noses this entire time: a giant Gusher. My goal is to get Betty Crocker, master of boxed mashed potatoes and gummy fruit snacks, to create a single Gusher so large that you can munch through the top and then sip the juice from it like a coconut. Mmmm, refreshing. Or if you’re more of a hands-on eater, you could rip off pieces of the Gusher and dip them in the juicy middle like a bread bowl.