Chester Cheetah looks like the guy who gave you your first cigarette. He’s your middle school best friend’s hot older sister’s even older boyfriend who drives a red sports car and wears t-shirts for bands you’ve never even heard of. He’s the kind of guy at your high school who has never spoken to you but when a bully knocks your books onto the floor, he’s like, “Hey! Back off or you’ll have to deal with me.” And then he smiles at you and walks away and you’re like, “Wait, where did that come from? It was so nice but he doesn’t even know me?” He is so intimidatingly cool, yet still weirdly approachable.
Chester Cheetah came onto the scene in the mid ’80s and has been putting other mascots to shame ever since. Originally, his MO was to steal Cheetos from unsuspecting snackers for his own enjoyment. In the 2000s he left theft behind and, instead, started encouraging people to buy Cheetos. It’s a classic reformed bad boy situation which is, undoubtedly, cool. He’s the Danny Zuko of the food mascot world.
He wears black Ray-Ban sunglasses and white high-top sneakers. Other than that, he’s naked. Imagine having the confidence to wear only shoes and shades while being fully nude. One time I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror at the gym after a workout class while I was wearing nothing but pink Nike sneakers and I still talk about it in therapy. Plus, he has the coolest thing a person can have: a beard.
His slogan is “dangerously cheesy” which is…hot? I don’t know how else to describe it. It makes “It’s great” and “Trix are for kids” look embarrassing. It is so effortlessly cool and makes it seem like eating Cheetos is a very sexy act of rebellion. A kind of “If loving this is wrong I don’t want to be right” type of energy.
And while other mascots are out there promoting children’s cereals and biscuit dough, Chester is the face of a whole line of “Flamin’ Hot” products. Not only are they delicious and wildly popular, they are literally called “hot.” It’s like they always say, “You have to be hot to sell hot.” Okay, fine. No one says that. But they should because it’s true!
Oh, and did I mention that he’s verified on Twitter? What doesn’t this humanoid big cat have? There is no other mascot on the market who has more style, sex appeal, or charm than this orange dreamboat. Chester Cheetah aka “Chester Cheetoh” aka “Papa Chester” is a Flamin’ Hot (TM) zaddy and I will not be hearing otherwise. Wait, do I have a crush on Chester Cheetah?