Which cereal mascot leaves you feeling hot and bothered after a trip down the breakfast aisle? Find out if it aligns with my completely normal opinion.
When you’re walking the cereal aisle, looking for that perfect pick that will start your morning right, what are you drawn to? The percentile of oats and whole grains within a mix? The heart-healthy promises? The bible verse? (Shout out Ezekiel 4:9 loyalists!) Stop kidding yourself. Even if you buy a responsible, low-sugar cereal like the real adult you are now, you’re still inexplicably attracted to the beaming cartoon creatures. Admit it. And it’s not just because of childhood nostalgia. There’s something…well, let’s just say there’s something reminiscent of Robin Hood (the fox) within a few of these characters, if you catch my drift. So here’s the ranking that no one asked for but everyone’s thought about—a breakdown of cereal mascots’ animal magnetism.
But first! Let’s get one thing out of the way before I dive into this very important ranking: There are NO mainstream female cereal mascots. So, I’m not being gender biased—the cereal industry is. Now that we’ve acknowledged that glaring issue in the cereal aisle, we can get to the good stuff and start objectifying some cartoons.
Read our full list of the best cereal we’ve tasted.
- Buzz the Bee
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Credit: Ryan Martin / General Mills I’ll be honest: I feel nothing for Buzz. Not a tingle, not a flutter. Nothing. Let’s keep moving.
- Toucan Sam
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Credit: Ryan Martin / Kellogg That accent, am I right? No, really, am I? It’s confusing. He’s a bird. But that accent…
- Lucky aka Sir Charms aka L.C. Leprechaun
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Credit: Ryan Martin / General Mills He’s a spunky, red-headed Irishman in a top hat and a scarf. Speaking as a former New York hipster, he’s hard to resist. Plus, he’s apparently a knight.
- Trix Rabbit
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Credit: Ryan Martin / General Mills Much like Jessica Rabbit, another woman who fell for a rabbit, I like a partner who can make me laugh. He’s a classic schlemiel. Hard to resist.
- Cap’n Crunch
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Credit: Ryan Martin / The Quaker Oats Company Is the Cap’n a zaddy? He’s certainly fashionable. I mean, epaulets? The silver fox is serving a serious lewk. And he definitely has the confidence. Now, his eyebrows are on his hat, which leads me to wonder if it’s actually a hat or just part of his head. And that’s where the attraction starts to fade.
- Snap, Crackle, and Pop
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Credit: Ryan Martin / General Mills There’s something about this trio that says pop punk band to me—and 16-year-old Justine could never turn down a side sweep on a gentleman. Come to think of it, current-aged-Justine sees nothing wrong with it either. Quick disclaimer: You may say, “Hey, those elves look pretty young to me.” But to that I say, they’re elves! Elves look young forever. They might be 300 years old for all we know. So, back off, commenters.
- Tony the Tiger
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Credit: Ryan Martin / Kellogg He’s gotta be number one. The bandana alone puts him over the edge. And he clearly lifts. This is not controversial. We all knew it would end this way.
Do they have no respect for the Count? My people, my kinfolk. Have we forgotten about Count Chocula? Do you not enjoy a Translyvanian zaddy? That accent. That brooding boi that wants you to throw away your life and each chocolate for breakfast? Plus, I heard he’s cousins with Count Von Count so you know he comes from $$$
you know the list is wrong with somehow snap, crackle and pop are in second place? ugh hard pass — they look like children! yuck!
Why is this so accurate?
Now hear me out….
The Honeycomb Crave is not attractive, but you KNOW you’re not leaving that encounter without having the time of your life.
Tony is suave, but you’ll be thinking about the Crave every time you’re with Tony.
you’re sleeping on dig ‘em the frog
Growing up I had a Tony the Tiger plushie who’s head revolved all the way around… needless to say his jutting out and firm tail helped turn me into the gay man I am today.
What about Sugar Bear? Super mellow, probably high, cuddly and soft. Oh wait is that me?
okay hear me out.. the honey combs guy from the 90s
Good list but.. I give you booberry that’s right half closed eyes soft spoken and you can just see him in a wake and bake ,. Muffins I’m talking muffins . I think lol
Boo Berry all the way
I gotta go with Frankenberry. He’s something else.
Cookie Crisp has had in interesting array of mascots but I think Chip the Dog (er Wolf?) would fit up here. He’s a little spoof off of Wile E. Coyote.
In a deathmatch of all of these mascots who is winning? tony is not participating because then he would win otherwise.
Where’s Count Chocula? 💔
I just wanted to say… Tony’s position is deserved! That bod is GRRREEAAAT…😂
What is Tony’s position?!? Oh, you mean placement. Carry on.
Wait… Trix Rabbit is hard to resist because he’s a fool? Lol why? (And, yes, schlemiel means fool.)
I guess I just can’t resist a charming fool!
Congratulations
“Toucan Sam deserved better.” – my roommate, actually interacting with this article other than humorously
I’m open to hearing a counter argument!
I mean, I’m just saying.. I’d tell him to hold his breath as I plunge his nose into my innards >^<