6 Discontinued Monster Energy Flavors We Wish We Could Still Sip

We all have that thing, that one ice-cold bevvy that, when consumed at exactly 2:30 p.m. on a Tuesday, can make the rest of the day just fly on by. For some, it is Diet Coke, for others it is water (psh, okay), and for some, it is ol’ faithful herself: a can of Monster Energy. But not just any Monster Energy will do—no, no. It must be that flavor. A go-to flavor that, when you first take a sip, makes everything feel like it is going to be okay. And when Monster then goes and discontinues that flavor, well, let’s just say, it can really ruin your Tuesday afternoons.

But this article isn’t about ruined afternoons. Rather, it is about the possibility of a hypothetical Tuesday at 2:30 p.m. far in the future, when we explore the biggest “what if” the human race has ever set out to imagine. That’s right, today we are imagining what would happen if Monster Energy brought back some of our favorite discontinued flavors, thus solving the Tuesday problem, and, by extension, repairing the timeline that we have found ourselves stuck in.  

Here are six discontinued Monster flavors we wish the brand would bring back. They’re our only hope!

Swiss Chocolate Java Monster (Discontinued in the 2010s)

Let’s be honest: Swiss Chocolate Java Monster sounds weird. It sounds weird and, for that reason, I want it right now. It didn’t do well during its initial run in stores because people were perhaps a bit confused by the concept. But those who loved it went to BAT for the stuff. It had chocolate, cream, coffee, and that Monster Energy je ne sais quoi, and that actually does sound good to me. The can had the Matterhorn on it, for cryin’ out loud—what more could you possibly need to know?

Monster Cuba-Lima (Discontinued 2019ish)

This discontinued Monster flavor tasted like Coke and lime, and I am not sure what could possibly be wrong with that. Sign me up! That said, there are different theories as to why it was discontinued. Some say it was because this flavor was so acidic it ate through the cans and made them leak. Others say it was because Coke acquired a significant share of Monster, and this flavor was just seen as an unnecessary competitor to Coke’s flagship product (Coke, of course), so they did away with it. Either way, I want it back, leaky cans and all!

Monster Dragon Tea Series (Discontinued 2018)

Hey, say what you will about me, I love a big ol’ can of tea. This series of Monster Teas came in four flavors: green tea, lemon, peach, and raspberry, and gosh darn if that doesn’t sound downright refreshing. I know yerba mate exists, and I know Arizona exists, and I know that that is likely why these four obscure tea-based Monster flavors don’t exist anymore, but I don’t care. Monster is a big company, they can afford to give us some tea that looks metal as heck and just take whatever losses come with that.

Monster Maxx Solaris (Discontinued 2016)

Okay, we are back in the realm of “sounds weird, I must have it,” and who brought us there? Why, it is Monster Solaris of course, a nitro Monster with softer bubbles, and—and this is true—it glowed under UV light. How did they manage that, and was it safe to drink? I don’t know, and probably! The flavor itself was Tropical Citrus, which strikes me as very Baja Blast-coded. This essentially sounds like it was nitro, glowing Baja Blast with many times the caffeine, and no part of that sounds like a bad time to me.

Monster Rehab Rojo Tea (Discontinued 2016)

This was a Monster flavor that incorporated electrolytes and tea extracts. Hey, sometimes what you want at 2:30 p.m. is the illusion that you are doing something healthy for your body while still drinking a Monster Energy drink. Okay, I won’t speak for you. Maybe that isn’t what you want but I have to be honest, sometimes that is what I want. And because it’s Christmas, and on Christmas you tell the truth, I think Monster should bring this bad boy back. Plus, it was non-carbonated, so if bubbles are too spicy for you or you just want to avoid burping your way through your 3 p.m. meeting, this one could be the very Monster you have been missing (and will continue missing, sadly).

Monster Energy Ultra Citron (Discontinued 2019)

I am a complicated woman. Much like other women, I contain multitudes. And one of the many multitudes I contain happens to be the belief that citron-flavored things taste better, more complex, and more floral than lemon-flavored things, even though logically I am aware that citron-flavored things are often just lemon-flavored things a marketing person slapped the name “citron” on to make it look more sophisticated. In many ways, I relate to citron. And in many more ways, I want to drink it. That said, I would like this flavor to come back so I can feel fancy while I drink inordinate amounts of caffeine just to get me through the tough, tough job of writing a dozen emails.