There are three things I know to be true any time of year but are especially true during the holidays: 1.) Everyone has a favorite holiday dessert, 2.) Everyone has a zodiac sign, and 3.) Everyone secretly hates turkey but will never say anything about it because whoever prepared the turkey obviously put in a lot of effort and it would be rude to point out that turkey is truly the worst meat. No, I’m kidding (or am I?). The third truth is actually that everyone has a holiday dessert that matches their personality based on their zodiac sign, and today is the day you find out just what that holiday dessert is. So without further ado, let’s slice in.
Aries (March 21-April 19): Apple Pie
Apple Pie. It’s popular, it’s inoffensive, and while not everybody loves it, it is tough to find anyone who hates it. This is exactly like Aries—they are excellent people who most others don’t mind having around. Plus, there are many people out there who love hanging out with Aries the most because their adaptability and easygoingness somehow successfully combine with a rabidly competitive nature. Aries contain multitudes, and we love that for them.
Read the full ranking of the best apple pie
Taurus (April 20-May 20): Bread Pudding
Bread pudding is like a hug for your mouth. It is rich, decadent, and often packed with cinnamon and raisins and slathered in either maple syrup or a sweet boozy cream sauce. In other words, it is a warm, comforting French toast casserole and we love it. Comforting is the name of the game here—and Tauruses are the queens of being a comforting presence.
Gemini (May 21-June 20): Yule Log
Yule logs are both creamy and vanilla-y and dense, decadent, and chocolatey, which perfectly matches the dichotomy that is a Gemini. These two different halves add up to create soothing chaotic but extremely aesthetic and very well balanced flavor-wise. That being said, this one is a perfect fit for Geminis’ double-sided nature. Geminis may have different facets to them, but those facets come together in a fun, cohesive, admittedly chaotic whole person.
Cancer (June 21-July 22): Peppermint Bark
Everyone looks at peppermint bark and believes they can’t have a lot of it because it would be “a lot of one flavor.” But when you put peppermint bark in front of most people, they will accidentally eat it until it is gone. Why? Because the stuff is actually super complex just like Cancers, who outwardly may not seem the most chaotic and off the wall, but once you get to know them you will see that they actually have so much going on just beneath the surface that they can’t wait to tell you about. In the same way, peppermint bark often has white and dark chocolate, which contrast in flavor, and some crunchy candy cane bits that contrast in texture. The point is, both cancers and bark have much to appreciate about them.
Read the full ranking of the best peppermint bark
Leo (July 23-August 22): Ginger Bread House
This one is not only a dessert but a literal centerpiece at the holiday table. If that is not Leo energy,
I don’t know what is.
Read the full ranking of the best gingerbread house kits
Virgo (August 23-September 22): Rum Balls
Virgos are always rushing around and thus match best with the delicious, no-baking-required holiday classic: rum balls. These come in a variety of different flavors, but they are easy and quick to make and are sure to please a crowd in the same way Virgos tend to get things done quickly and effectively and make sure everyone in the group gets a dessert. They are very much the mom friend and, honestly, that’s why we love them.
Libra (September 23-October 22): Figgy Pudding
Figgy pudding is a super delicious and complex dessert that more people need to try. It is essentially a dense, moist, steamed spice cake, and, as is true of many spice cakes, it is beautifully balanced between all the different warm spices. Libras, as it turns out, love balance. They also happen to love harmony and in the song “Deck the Halls” the singers demand figgy pudding so vehemently that it convinced child-me that it must be the best dessert ever. And you know what? It’s not not the best dessert ever. For the balance and harmony alone, Libras have to be figgy pudding.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21): Fruitcake
I know what fruitcake’s reputation is. This is not a dunk on Scorpios. It’s just that even though I have had fruitcake (and I actually really like it), I still do not know what those little colorful things in it are (yes, I am aware the internet exists, but so does my stubborn insistence on keeping somethings a mystery). That being said, it can be hard to tell exactly what a Scorpio is thinking or what they might do next, and since they are the most mysterious of the signs, they have to be the fruitcake.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): Fudge
Sagittariuses are curious, knowledge seeking people. And I have always wanted to know why some people’s fudge is smooth and dreamy and other people’s is kind of grainy. This is why I need Sagittariuses in my life, to tell me these fun facts so I can improve my cooking and baking skills without having to look anything up. Am I just being lazy? Perhaps. Do I also happen to love having my Sagittarius friends around? You bet your butt.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19): Snowman Cupcakes
Capricorns are the most patient people out there, and if there is anything I have learned from TV baking shows, it is that cupcakes take TIME. You have to mix them and then bake them like anything else, but then you also have to let them cool, make the frosting, and then actually frost them individually for a really long time before anyone gets to taste the first cupcake. Who has that kind of patience?!? Capricorns, that’s who. And you can bet they also took the extra time to pipe a snowman on them for the holidays.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18): Snowball Cookies
Now, I am aware snowball cookies are not made of snow and are in fact an almond flour-based crumbly cookie dipped in powdered sugar, but here’s the thing. I could definitely see a quirky Aquarius main character in an indie movie whose crush loves winter throwing these cookies at their love interest in the middle of the summer and saying something like, “They’re snowballs, silly. See? We can make our own indoor winter wonderland!” and just getting powdered sugar everywhere.
Pisces (February 19-March 20): Pecan Pie
Pisces are sweet and whimsical, and there is no pie sweeter than pecan pie. Also, I will be the first to acknowledge that love makes us all a little ~nutty~ and, as the most romantic of the signs, our Pisces pals of course need to be the holiday dessert that’s packed with pecans.
Read the full ranking of the best pecan pie