There are very few people who would say no to a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. They are sweet, chocolatey, peanutty, ever so slightly salty, and are somehow soft, crumbly, and melt-in-your-mouth rich all at the same time. Now when my editors here at Sporked asked me to do a Reese’s candy zodiac article my first thought was, “There can’t actually be 12 different Reese’s products.” Boy, was I wrong. There are like 300. And that is not an exaggeration; just check out the Hershey’s website. It’s actually insane. But since there aren’t 300 zodiac signs, I took the liberty of scrolling through all 300 of those Reese’s items just to find the ones that I think best match your peanut-buttery personality. So without further ado, here is what Reese’s product you are based on your zodiac sign.
Aries (March 21-April 19): Fun Size Milk Chocolate Reese’s Cups
Snack size Reese’s cups are a classic. They are the platonic ideal of Reese’s and if you are a peanut butter person, you will like these. Periodt. This is similar to how if you like people in general, you will like Aries. Aries have very few people who dislike their whole vibe and I would say plain ol’ fun-size Reese’s are the same way.
Taurus (April 20-May 20): Reese’s Creamy
The creamy cup is a recent Reese’s invention, but that doesn’t make it any less iconic. The soothing, ultra-smooth PB center with the creamy-dreamy chocolate outside aligns perfectly with Tauruses’ soft, calming presence. Don’t get me wrong, these Reese’s cups are anything but boring—they transport you to a soft, happy place, and Taurus friends tend to do the same in my experience.
Gemini (May 21-June 20): Reese’s Potato Chips Big Cup
These have two big things happening in them: peanut butter and potato chips (yes, I am aware there is also chocolate, but for our purposes, that part is secondary). These two very different things create a final product that is salty, sweet, peanutty, and ever so slightly crunchy. In other words, perfection. This is just like Geminis. They have a lot of different emotions and personality traits competing within them at any given time but in the end, the combination of all of them is pretty epic.
Cancer (June 21-July 22): Reeses Stuffed With Pieces Milk Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups
Cancers will surprise you. You think they are very on top of everything, organized, and calm, but if you talk to them for even one second you immediately realize that there is a LOT more to them than meets the eye. They are dramatic and funny and sassy once you break through that ever so slightly shy outer shell. That’s why Cancer has to be the Reese’s cups with Reese’s Pieces in them. On the outside, they look just like normal Reese’s, but open them up and—BLAM—exciting colors, textures, and a personality spunky, wacky personality.
Leo (July 23-August 22): Reese’s Pumpkins
Reese’s pumpkins are the main character of Halloween candy. No further questions, your honor.
Virgo (August 23-September 22): Reese’s Pieces
Virgos are the busiest of the signs. They are doing so many things at once that sometimes I wonder when they sleep. That being said, they have to be Reese’s Pieces, a candy that is much easier to eat while doing something else than Reese’s Cups are because Reese’s Cups melt all over your hands and the pieces don’t (or at least, not at the same rate, so it is still better).
Libra (September 23-October 22): Reese’s Take 5
Reese’s Take 5 are doing a lot at once and they are GOOD at it. They are juggling crunchy pretzels, smooth peanut butter, salty peanuts, sweet caramel, and a chocolaty coating, and they do a marvelous job at it. This is a deliciously well-balanced candy bar. Libras love balance and harmony, and there are few things more balanced or harmonious than this mix of peanuts, peanut butter, caramel, and pretzels in one chocolate bar.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21): Reese’s Franken-Cup
Scorpios are mysterious and so are these Franken Reese’s (excuse me, Franken Reese’s monster). They are half milk chocolate (on the top) and then green “crème” on the bottom (essentially white chocolate), and the peanut butter is in there per usual. The mystery here is why they decided to make these when they already sell Reese’s Bats and Pumpkins, for Halloween as well as other white and milk chocolate options. What can I say? Some people are mysterious like Scorpios and just want their food to be green.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): Reese’s Mallow Top
These are Reese’s cups with half milk chocolate and half marshmallow crème surrounding the iconic peanutty puck. Why do I think they fit Sagittarius so well? Well, because Sagittariuses are curious about so many things in life. They love to know exactly what is going on with you and all of their friends and your friends and even unrelated people. They just want to be in the know. That being said, did you know that Reese’s with half marshmallow crème and half chocolate on the outside exist? I certainly didn’t. But maybe I would have known earlier if I was a curious Sagittarius.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19): Reese’s Bunnies
Capricorns are very patient people. I cannot relate, but I respect the hell out of it. Why are Capricorns Reese’s Bunnies, though? Easy. The bunnies only come out once a year and you have to be patient to wait for your favorite lil mammal made of chocolate to be back in stores again. Capricorns have this ability. I am more of a one marshmallow now and none later kind o’ kid myself.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18): Milk Chocolate Reese’s Dipped Pretzels
YOU GUYS. THESE ARE PRETZELS DIPPED IN REESE’S. Why did nobody deign to tell me that these existed?! Also how very Aquarius of them to take the classic form factor of Reese’s and throw it out the window to create a whole new kind of thing. Genius. Innovative. These are an icon, these are a legend and these are the moment (just like Aquariuses). Or at least, I will make these pretzels the moment. Again, why have I not seen these anywhere?!
Pisces (February 19-March 20): Reese’s Chocolate Lover’s
Pisces, Pisces, Pisces. Do you love Reese’s a lot but would love them even more if there was a significantly higher chocolate-to-PB ratio? Then this is the Reese’s item for you. Pisces love very strongly and let me just say, if a Pisces had a love for chocolate, this would 1000% be the Reese’s for them. Plus, chocolate is one of the most romantic foods out there, and this just tips the scales to make Reese’s even just a liiiiitle bit more romantic, a vibe that Pisces people really enjoy as the most nostalgic, romantic, and fanciful of the signs.
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