We Tasted Liquid Death Green Guillotine (and Lived to Tell the Tale)

I love Liquid Death. I think the branding is genius. The first time I ever saw it was when my friend in college literally called me on the phone (in 2020?!?) and said, “Jessica you need to try this cool water I found,” and I thought he was tricking me into consuming ungodly amounts of caffeine, but no—it was just water. Just water. The coolest, metalest water that ever watered the metal of this here earth. I mean, it’s top-tier, concept art-esque commentary is what it is—we all drink water and we all die. In a way, water is liquid death and the more we drink it the more we all “am become death” (take that, Oppenheimer, you’re not so special).

Anyway, Liquid Death just released its first green tea offering in the last couple weeks (they had only produced iced tea, an Arnold Palmer, and peach iced tea up until now), so of course we had to go get some, try it, and tell you, the people, of the United States of America, if Liquid Death Green Guillotine makes the cut.

liquid death green guillotine review

New Product!

Liquid Death Green Guillotine

I mean the can looks absolutely badass. But it is Liquid Death, so I wouldn’t expect anything less. The can also notes that this drink is made of green tea with added B6 and B12 vitamins and some agave for sweetness, and there are 30mg of caffeine in the whole can (that’s only about a third of what’s in a cup of coffee, so this thing will not get you wired). But you aren’t here to read about how it looks, or what you can read on the can, or how wired it will get you, so let’s jump into how it actually tastes and whether it will indeed “Murder Your Thirst”.

Pros: It is downright pleasant. It smells a bit like the Peach Guayaki Yerba Mate if that means anything to you, but it tastes much less like a specific fruit. It has that astringency that makes your mouth feel a little dry without being bitter, it is sweet without being too sweet, and it has both a gentle earthiness and a subtle fruitiness that reminds me of peach or dried apricot. It didn’t immediately hit me in the face (or cut off my head) with green tea flavor. The green tea flavor is about as strong as it is in the fruit-flavored green teas you would get at a boba shop. It is delightfully refreshing, and I could totally see myself drinking an ice-cold one of these regularly as a little afternoon pick-me-up.

Cons: It is, dare I say it, a little bland. But, really, I don’t know if I would have wanted it more sweet or more fruity. I can’t believe I’m saying this since I wouldn’t at all consider myself a green tea connoisseur, but I almost want a bit more green tea flavor. It doesn’t immediately smell or taste like green tea to me—it’s just a generally fruity, light tea. Again, it is not a bad tea flavor, it’s just not as grassy as I’m used to green tea being. So you die-hard green tea fans out there can take that for what it’s worth—and same goes for the die-hard Liquid Death fans, I suppose.




About the Author

Jessica Block

Jessica Block is a freelance contributor to Sporked, a comedian, a baker, a food writer, and a firm believer that Trader Joe's may just be the happiest place on earth. She loves spicy snacks, Oreos, baking bread, teeny tiny avocados, and trying new foods whenever she can. Also, if you give her a bag of Takis she will be your best friend.

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