Now vs. Nostalgia: Which Lunchables Are Worthy of Adult Consumption?

Like most adults, I haven’t had Lunchables since I was in elementary school. As a child, I wanted to eat one every single day. Nine-year-old Jordan would be shocked to find out that 29-year-old Jordan isn’t constantly feasting on convenient little packages of cheese, crackers, and circles of wet meat. And while I choose to eat other, more delicious things for lunch nowadays, I am still curious about Lunchables. Were they as delicious and as creatively inspiring as I thought when I was a kid begging my mom to put them into my Rugrats lunchbox?

On this round of Now vs. Nostalgia, I will determine if any of the varieties of Lunchables are adult lunch-worthy, or if they’re actually inedible and it’s time to stop living in the past. Let’s go!

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Now

Lunchables Lunch Combinations, Pizza and Treatza

Let me just say that 4th grade me would’ve absolutely freaked out for a “treatza.” This Lunchables comes with a regular pizza, that you can top with cheese and tomato sauce, and a treat pizza that you can top with chocolate frosting and mini chocolate gems. This is a genius way to repackage the old-school pizza Lunchables into something new and fun. And, luckily, it tastes pretty good! When it comes to the Lunchables pizza, I can’t deny that I love it. It tastes bad, but in a good way—or tastes good, in a bad way? I’m not really sure, but I know that I enjoyed eating it as a child and I enjoyed eating it in our Lunchables taste test. Sure, it’s not Lucali (aka Beyonce’s favorite NYC pizza joint). Heck, it isn’t even Little Caesars. But if you can put all of that aside, there is something wonderfully plain and boring and plastic-y about the pizza Lunchables. Because of that, I’m giving it a now!

Credit: Sarah Demonteverde / Instacart

Rating:

8/10

Sporks

Nostalgia

Lunchables Lunch Combinations, Ultimate Deep Dish Pizza with Pepperoni

While I love the pizza Lunchables, I don’t necessarily know if I need more of it. And that’s exactly what the Ultimate Deep Dish Pizza with Pepperoni is—the pizza Lunchables, but with more sauce, more crust, and more cheese. The pepperoni is tasty, but it can’t save the fact that the extra thick crust sucks the moisture and flavor out of everything else. This is a taste only a child could love so I’m giving this the stamp of nostalgia.

Credit: Sarah Demonteverde / Albertsons

Rating:

5.5/10

Sporks

Nostalgia

Lunchables Cookie Dunks

I wanted to like these so badly, but the quality of the cookie just isn’t there. The frosting and the sprinkles are fun, though! I think a child could love this. I do, however, think there are much better packaged dessert products for lunchboxes on the market so I’m ranking this 100% nostalgia.

Credit: Sarah Demonteverde / Walmart

Rating:

7/10

Sporks

Nostalgia

Lunchables Lunch Combinations, Ham & American Sub Sandwich, 6-Inch

This is one of the worst things I’ve tasted in a long time and I don’t believe it should be served to anyone, including children who like Lunchables. The ham is slimy, the bread is unbelievably dry, and it only comes with mayo. No mustard?! A crime. I do like the sides of Koolaid powder, knock-off Oreos, and Pringles. But sadly, even those couldn’t save this horrific make-your-own-sandwich kit. Sorry, Ham & American Sub Sandwich, 6-Inch, you’re 100% nostalgia.

Credit: Sarah Demonteverde / Instacart

Rating:

1/10

Sporks

Now

Lunchables Dirt Cake Snack Pack

The Lunchables Dirt Cake Snack Pack is everything I wanted and more. I love dirt cake (or Cup of Dirt if your family frequented TGI Friday’s like mine did). This chocolate frosting is rich and chocolatey. The gummy worms are the perfect amount of chewy. There are plenty of chocolate cookie crumbs for dipping. This is the only Lunchables dessert that even comes close to the deliciousness that was the Lunchables Chocolate Frosted Brownie. Good job, Dirt Cake Snack Pack! You’re getting a now!

Credit: Sarah Demonteverde / Instacart

Rating:

9/10

Sporks


About the Author

Jordan Myrick

Jordan is an L.A.-based writer and comedian who believes all food should come with extra sauce. When they're not writing for Sporked, Jordan is at the movies or sharing an order of french fries with their elderly chihuahua.

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