Finally, Magic: The Gathering Flavored Beef Sticks

I haven’t played Magic: The Gathering in nearly 15 years, but it still surrounds me on a regular basis. From fundraising at MTG events to board game conventions and everything inbetween, I am entrenched by these card game people. I know who they are and what they like. Collecting and one-handed snacks are both high on the priority list.

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Mythical Meats also knows these people, which is why they’ve released a line of beef snack sticks inspired by the lands and guilds of Magic: The Gathering. Appropriate to the pack-ripping inspiration, the easiest way to get your hands on them is in a randomized 10-pack. You can, however, snag a separate variety pack guaranteed to contain all five lands… in meat form.

What is Mythical Meats?

Have you ever wondered what dragon jerky would taste like? Mythical Meats combines a wide range of meats and flavors to create exotic blends more appropriate for a hike to Mordor than an ultramarathon. When you expand beyond existing species, the options are endless; Mythical Meats even has two separate Cryptid variety packs depending on whether you prefer mild or spicy.

For a non-fantasy example, Mythical Meats’ Prehistoric Prime Cuts line uses unconventional modern meat options to recreate a few giant prehistoric creatures in jerky form: Wild Boar plays the role of Wooly Mammoth, Shark becomes Megalodon, and Snapping Turtle(!?) fills in for Ankylosaurus.

Mythical Meats already partners with Dungeons & Draogns on a line of character class-inspired exotic game snack sticks including yak, alligator, and camel. For this new nerdy collaboration, all fifteen options are 100% beef. But what are those options?

What are the 15 flavors of Magic: The Gathering meat sticks?

While each pack is randomized, the product listing does include the full rundown of options (and an emoji code that speaks to my personal sensibilities) in the description.

☀️ White Plains – Original
💧 Blue Island – Teriyaki
💀 Black Swamp – Peppered
🔥 Red Mountain – Habanero
🌳 Green Forest – Garlic Parmesan
☀️💧 Azorius – Apple Cheddar
☀️💀 Orzhov – Landjaegar
🔥☀️ Boros – Chipotle Lime
🌳☀️ Selesnya – Honey Brown Sugar
💧💀 Dimir – Bloody Mary
💧🔥 Izzet – Sriracha Honey
🌳💧 Simic – Spicy Jerk
💀🔥 Rakdos – Smoky Cherry
🔥🌳 Gruul – Mango Jalapeño
💀🌳 Golgari – Spicy Dill Pickle

That’s quite a range! I was following right up until the word “Landjaegar”; turns out, it’s a traditional semi-dried beef-and-pork sausage from Germany. The Mythical Meats version is all beef, but I’m sure the flavor profile reflects the original otherwise.

You can technically order individual sticks from Mythical Meats, but where’s the fun in that? You do get a per-stick discount when you order the mystery 10-pack, and unlike real Magic: The Gathering cards, even the most common pull still has (caloric) value.