Do you like your bowl of mac and cheese with a side of ranch? Or maybe doused in hot sauce and sprinkled with red pepper flakes? Perhaps you find yourself daydreaming about turkey chili mac and cheese, or chicken-bacon-ranch mac and cheese? If any of the above apply to you, we need to talk about the two new Kraft mac and cheese flavors: ranch and jalapeño.
I love mac and cheese. How controversial and niche of me, I know. But my issue is that I always get bored halfway through, eating spoonful after spoonful (sporkful after sporkful?) of the same flavor profile. I’m always reaching for a condiment of some kind. Spicy ketchup, that Green Dragon sauce from Trader Joe’s, and obviously, ranch. But condiments can feel like a last resort, like the initial meal simply wasn’t good enough. So when I heard we were getting two new Kraft mac and cheese flavors—Jalapeño Kraft Mac & Cheese and Ranch Kraft Mac & Cheese—I had to try them. Daddy Kraft, the father of boxed mac, rarely lets me down.
In theory, ranch-flavored mac and cheese sounds like what dreams are made of. In practice, I think it’s much harder to get those flavors to really complement each other. Kraft’s attempt is a good example of this.
Pros: Ranch Kraft Mac & Cheese isn’t gross. In fact, when you first try it, your brain might trick you into thinking it’s pretty good. That’s the thing about ranch mac and cheese. Everyone likes ranch. Everyone likes mac and cheese. Naturally, you like them together. On your first few bites, this herby, parsley-forward mac and cheese is pleasantly different.
Cons: As our managing editor Gwynedd Stuart pointed out in the video, this is basically “parsley pasta.” We’re missing the real ranch component: tangy buttermilk. In fact, considering milk is a primary ingredient in ranch, you’d expect this to be extra creamy, but it’s quite the opposite. The consistency is too powdery—I’d definitely supplement with extra milk, or maybe even the obvious choice: real ranch.
Don’t worry, these new Kraft mac and cheese flavors didn’t totally let me down. Daddy Kraft came through with Kraft Jalapeño Mac & Cheese.
Pros: They nail a fresh, clean, spicy jalapeño flavor—and they don’t shy away from the heat, either. This really does taste like someone tossed sauteed fresh jalapeños in mac and cheese. The consistency is much smoother and creamier than the ranch mac and cheese; it keeps you going back for more even when your mouth says “ouch.” I beg you: Let this be the base for your chili mac. Load it up with onion, beans, spices, sour cream, ground meat, and a little extra cheese.
Cons: I wouldn’t feed this to a child without a little extra cream and a glass of milk to wash it down. It’s spicy. That’s pretty much the only con for me. Again, as someone putting TJ’s Green Dragon sauce, which is basically pureed jalapeño and tomatillos, this new Kraft mac and cheese is my idea of a good time.
Ariana Losch is a Sporked contributor, webcomic writer, java junkie, and bad TV enthusiast. She only ever feels at peace laying out on a beach like a kebab, roasting in the sun; sadly, she can never move back to Florida, her home state, because there simply isn’t enough good Mediterranean food. You can find her overstaying her welcome at just about every LA coffee shop, working on a screenplay and avoiding all eye contact. (She is embarrassed to be there, please leave her alone.)
Thoughts? Questions? Complete disagreement? Leave a comment!
Thoughts? Questions? Complete disagreement? Leave a comment!