New Trader Joe's Crackers

Leave it to Trader Joe’s to take something good and make it a lil bit different and a whole lot cuter. We’ve all heard of Trader Joe’s Everything but the Bagel Seasoning at this point (and if you haven’t, girl, where’ve you been?), and you may have even heard of Trader Joe’s Everything but the Bagel Seasoned Smoked Salmon, Everything but the Bagel Kettle Chips, Everything but the Bagel Nut Duo, Everything Ciabatta Rolls, Everything but the Bagel Greek Style Yogurt Dip, and even an Everything and the Bagel bagel which is, you guessed it, just an everything bagel. Just kidding on that last one, they call their everything bagels just “Everything Bagels,” and I think it’s a huge miss on their part, but what do I know? I just write for a living. ANYWAY, I went through that whole list with you for a reason (though it was mostly just for funsies), that reason being: TJ’s is releasing a new “Everything but” snack this week and its name is Trader Joe’s Mini (Almost) Everything Bagel Sandwich Crackers.

Soooooo just how cute are these new Everything Bagel Sandwich Crackers? And what’s with the “almost”?

I’ll answer that first question first: YES THEY ARE ADORABLE I WANNA SQUEEZE THEIR CUTE LIL BAGEL CRACKER CHEEKS. They look like tiny bagels with cream cheese, and the filling is, in fact, a cream cheese filling. I can’t. I cannot. I simply can’t not not. I do wonder if it will be more like the grainy cheese in Ritz Bits sandwiches since they’re shelf stable (and cream cheese is not), but honestly, even that consistency sounds great to me. I’m a sucker for some ultra-cheesy, slightly fake-tasting cheese. And while these will have “cream cheese” and a decidedly bagel-y look to them, they won’t have all the everything bagel fixins. They will have poppy seeds, dried garlic, and onion, and I assume some salt (although maybe not on top of the crackers), but they will not, unlike traditional everything bagels, have sesame seeds.

I think this is healthy, though. The sesame seeds would take up too much real estate in these tiny tiny bagel bois (and now people allergic to sesame can enjoy the crackers, too). Plus, seeing as though these are coming out the week after Mother’s Day, I think it’s only fitting that these everything crackers demonstrate that you don’t have to “have it all” to be everything to someone. People are still valid, even without sesame seeds. Anyhoo, go and get these to wish yourself a happy late Mother’s Day (or an early Fourth of July, whatever is more relevant to you).