Ah, Bacon. A top-three food in terms of deliciousness (at least in the U.S.). The subject of many a graphic T-shirt and Black Bear Diner menu. A friend to many, an enemy to some, as overhyped as it is truly divine. But what if a person wants not to consume bacon but instead snacks that simply taste like bacon?
On a February 2019 episode of Good Mythical Morning, Rhett & link tried six different bacon snacks to determine which snack has the most accurate bacon flavor, thus earning it the title of Bacon Brian. Keep in mind that these are in order of how bacon-y they were, NOT how much Rhett and Link liked them.
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- Fisher Smoke & Bacon Flavored Almonds
These Fisher almonds actually have natural bacon flavor, including pork stock, bacon fat, and natural smoke flavor in the ingredients, along with some brown sugar, so, in theory, these would taste like bacon, right? Right! Rhett & Link had to lick the almonds to taste the flavoring powder on its own and concluded it was, in fact, very bacon-y and very delicious. Link tried these and said, “First of all, they taste great—the almond woodiness really compliments what they’re trying to do with bacon.” In other words, it was delicious and happened to be the most bacon-y of the bunch earning this snack the title of Bacon Brian.
- Archie McPhee’s Bacon Gumballs
With Amazon reviews like, “If you’re looking for the most disgusting thing ever, give these a try,” and, “The smell could knock a buzzard off a meat wagon,” you know these were bound to taste oh so wonderfully bad. Rhett spit it out after 20 seconds and noted that it tastes like bacon-flavored soda. In a bad way. Link pointed out the disgusting chemical-y nature of the gumball flavor, especially the outer layer. But they had to give it to the gumballs—they did have some (albeit, rotten) bacon flavor which helped them take the second spot. These appear to have been discontinued, but you can still get bacon candy!
- Ritz Crisp and Thins Bacon Flavor
They tried these right after tasting real, actual bacon, which skewed their opinions at first. Link said, “The first thing you get is just a Ritz crackery bake-y ness, but then you get hit with the smoke.” Both Rhett & Link agreed that these were not bad but not great either. However, the more you eat, the more bacon flavor you get, and that’s what ultimately bumped them up to third.
- J&D’s Bacon Pop Bacon Flavor Microwave Popcorn
The packaging of this popcorn describes “the continuing story of two bacon fanatics, Justin and Dave, on a never-ending quest to make everything taste like bacon.” It’s also apparently safe for vegans and vegetarians. That’s not much of a surprise when you take into account the fact that Rhett & Link could barely taste the bacon on this one. Link even asked, “We sure we got the right popcorn, guys?” Rhett & Link agreed that it was “suuuuuper subtle.” But they also agreed it’s good popcorn, just not bacon-y at all. Link said, “it’s like you’re eating popcorn but breathing bacon air.”
- Purina Bacon Beggin’ Strips (yes, the dog treats)
Link immediately pointed out that these “look just like real bacon! Except when you look at it beside real bacon.” But Rhett pointed out that if you’re a dog, it’s probably close enough. That begs (haha) the question: What if you are a human and not a dog? Well, as the only snack on the list that actually had full-on pork in it, these were…bad. They were bad. Rhett said, “Dogs got it rough man,” and Link wondered, “What is in this crap?” Rhett & Link thought these kind of tasted like sweet protein powder with “no discernible bacon-ness.”
- Crunchsters Beyond Bacon Sprouted Mung Bean Vegan Snack
The mung bean is a legume mainly cultivated in India, Pakistan, and Southeast Asia. This snack apparently smelled like cereal and was extremely crunchy. Rhett described them as being “super sugary” and tasting like a sugary, floury old cereal. Link said “I’m trying to find the bacon and it’s not in there” I should say, both Rhett and Link actually loved these, but they tasted nothing like bacon and tasted more like sweetened cereal. What’s not to love?