Here’s the thing, y’all. I’ve had “healthy” frozen meals before, and my experience with them is that while they aren’t gourmet and may look like a ghost shat on some beans (we’ll get to that in a second), they certainly aren’t disgusting and they definitely are food. For the most part.
Throwback to a January 2018 episode of Good Mythical Morning, when Rhett & Link tried six different brands of frozen diet meals and tried to guess which brands were which. Since R&L didn’t actually rank the frozen meals in the episode, I’ll be ranking them by how excited the dudes seemed about them.
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- Lean Cuisine Margherita Pizza
This one was bad. How do I know this? Because Rhett & Link kept saying it was bad. They first noted the perfect square-ness of the pizza, with Link chiming in that you could “poke an eye out” with its corners, Link wondered if maybe square things give the illusion of fewer calories? Either way, upon trying it, Rhett said, “It’s not good,” and Link said, “Boy, that is bland,” even calling it a “backwards way to make a pizza.” So if you must have frozen pizza but are trying to stay healthy, just go with DiGiorno (or Motor City Pizza) in moderation.
- Amy’s Bowls Spinach & Ricotta Cheese Ravioli
Upon first glance, the guys said this looked like ravioli wrapped in a paper bowl. Rhett compared it to when “your mom just threw some leftovers into a bowl from the potluck on Sunday.” Once they actually tried these ravioli, Link exclaimed, “Oh there’s green in there!” It was still kind of a one-dimensional meal, though, given that it is just ravioli. Rhett pointed out that it has a Stouffers-y quality to it.
- Evol Chipotle Chicken Mac & Cheese
Rhett & Link’s first impression of this dish was, “What the heck is this?” Once they actually tried it, Rhett noted, “It’s definitely missing several ingredients that would make it good.” They also thought that maybe there’d been a mixup during the manufacturing process, because it contains spicy tortilla AND pasta. R&L truly couldn’t figure out what it was, so settled on calling it “an Italian Mexican melding” of “health” food. But this one, like a fine wine, supposedly got better over time, with Rhett eventually saying: “The more I eat it, it doesn’t taste bad”
- Healthy Choice Sweet Sesame Chicken
This was the first one they tried, and Rhett took one look at it and said, “Yeah, that is not exciting.” Plus, the portion size was tiny. They tasted a slight sweetness in this one, which could be from the sugar snap peas or the sauce itself. This one they thought was not bad but also not good. Rhett said, “It does taste healthy, I’ll put it to you that way.”
- Smart Ones Santa Fe Rice & Beans
In second place, and endorsed by Oprah “Likes Bread” Winfrey, is Santa Fe Rice & Beans from Smart Ones. Rhett & Link recognized that it was some sort of beans-and-rice thing, which looked to Link like a “ghost took a crap on a tv dinner” because of the white blob of goo on top. The white stuff turned out to be some sort of creamy substance, not melted cheese. They liked this one pretty well! Upon trying it they agreed that it was the best they’d tried thus far, and Rhett even wanted to finish it. Link still thought it was better than the others, but pretty horrible. Link pointed out that it needs salt, Rhett pointed out that salt is bad for you, and then Link clapped back with, “Yeah, this needs something bad for you.”
- Atkins Meat Lasagna
Hey look, the same ghost who took a crap on the beans and rice vomited into this lasagna! The guys thought it was one big ravioli at first, but it is, in fact, lasagna. They noticed that it’s got some sausage and is very meat-forward (which makes sense seeing as it is meat lasagna). That’s not bad. And even though Atkins doesn’t do carbs, the pasta looked carby enough. This was their favorite, hands down, because it was “not bad.”
Thoughts? Questions? Complete disagreement? Leave a comment!