Rhett & Link came hungry to their frozen pizza blind taste test, which is the best way to taste frozen pizza. After all, that’s when you reach for it—when you’re desperate and starving. The duo took on six different brands of frozen cheese pizza, with slices served to them by an Abominable™ Dough Man arm, and scored each on a one-to-ten scale. So, which pies won their hearts and which tasted like a “cardboard fart?”
Here’s how they ranked them and how they guessed. (For even more great frozen pizzas, check out the Sporked ranking too.)
The following article contains affiliate links that may generate a small commission to us when you make a purchase through the link. Learn more about how we work with affiliates here.
- Totino’s Party Pizza
“That is a thin, cheap [pizza],” said Link. Rhett got a little more poetic with his review. “That’s not good but I still want more,” he said. “It tastes old and forgotten—uncared for and neglected.” Link suggested that maybe if you paid only a dollar for it, it might seem great. But, overall, the two gents agreed that Totino’s should stick to pizza rolls and both gave the pizza a one. They also both correctly guessed the brand.
- Amy’s
“Sauce tastes sweet but shallow,” said Link. “Even though, ironically, the pizza is taller.” The fluffier crust didn’t save Amy’s from receiving a three from both Rhett & Link. “It’s not crispy,” said Rhett. “The crust is doughy in a not-good way.” Rhett guessed he was eating Red Baron, while Link thought it could be Kirkland.
- Kirkland Signature
Costco’s brand of frozen pizza had both boys fooled. They thought they were eating Amy’s—primarily because of its “basil-y” flavor. Rhett & Link dished out respectable fives for this pizza, but neither were sold on its unique flavor. “It’s all its own, and I don’t think I like what it is,” said Rhett.
- Tombstone
“The sauce is not too sweet, the cheese is not too memorable,” said Link, who gave it a six. “The crust is very thin but crispy,” said Rhett. “I’m feeling lots of good feelings about this one.” He scored the freezer section standby as a seven. Neither Rhett nor Link got the brand correctly, though. Rhett guessed it was Totino’s while Link guessed Red Baron.
- Red Baron
“That’s good,” said Link. “I also tasted a little soap, though.” Rhett suggested that flavor could have come from the Abominable™ Dough Man’s arm, though, so let’s take that tasting note with a grain of salt (or soap, in this case). “I wouldn’t be fooled into thinking it was anything but a frozen pizza—but it’s a solid frozen pizza,” Rhett said. He gave it a six while Link gave it a seven, soapy taste be damned. Both guessed it was Tombstone.
- DiGiorno
“The dough is thick, the dough is fluffy,” said Link. “That’s signature dough,” said Rhett. “That’s a good pizza, man. It’s almost got a deep dish-ish quality to it. I had to open my small mouth to get around it.” Both correctly guessed that the signature dough came from DiGiorno and both loved it. Rhett gave it an eight and Link gave it a nine, earning it the top spot in their taste test.
The 7 Best Frozen Pizzas When Ordering Isn’t an Option
Which pizzas should you choose to grace your freezer shelves? We ranked the best you can buy.
Thoughts? Questions? Complete disagreement? Leave a comment!