Trader Joe’s New Meatball Calzone: Our Brutally Honest Review

When it comes to recreating international dishes, Trader Joe’s is notorious for playing it fast and loose. Take, for instance, the new Trader Joe’s Meatball Calzone. Perhaps you’d expect a half-moon shaped pocket of pizza dough filled with ricotta, mozzarella, and meatballs. But that’s not what this is. It’s a long, sub-shaped pocket sandwich filled with meat sauce and a few meatballs. That’s it.

I was pretty dubious even looking at the thing, but in the past, TJ’s products have proven they don’t have to be authentic to taste good. And my cashier even vouched for it! I brought one back to the office and cooked it in the countertop oven. Here’s my very honest review.

New Product!

Trader Joe’s Meatball Calzone

Trader Joe’s

Pros: Well, if you’re in the mood for something hot and bready, and you don’t mind consuming undercooked dough, this just might hit the spot! The meat sauce tastes pretty good and the bread, despite remaining doughy where it meets the fillings, tastes good, too. This won’t make you barf—not exactly a ringing endorsement, but it’s the best I can do!

Cons: First of all, it’s simply not a calzone; there’s no ricotta and very little mozzarella. It’s just a long bread pocket filled with oily meat sauce and a few small, gray, slightly gamey tasting meatballs. It’s more like an enclosed meatball sub—but I’d honestly probably rather have a Subway meatball sub. The bread is the main problem. I cooked this way longer than the instructions dictated (I did 20 min in the oven followed by another 10 in the air fryer), and the inside of the bread pocket was still so, so doughy. Maybe it would have been less noticeable if there was plenty of gooey cheese, but there isn’t. So you’re just eating slimy, doughy bread and oily, mediocre bolognese.

I think this says a lot: I asked my colleague Justine, “Is this better than a Hot Pocket?” and she said no in a way that was like, Jesus, duh, of course it’s not.

Rating:

4/10

Sporks

The verdict on Trader Joe’s Meatball Calzone…

If you’re in the mood for a calzone—or simply a sandwich constructed on fully cooked bread—you can do better than Trader Joe’s Meatball Calzone.

About the Author

Howdy! I’m Gwynedd, Sporked’s managing editor. I live in Los Angeles and have access to the best tacos the U.S. has to offer—but I’m a sucker for a crunchy Old El Paso taco night every now and then. I’ve been at Sporked since 2022 and I’m still searching frozen mozzarella sticks that can hold a candle to restaurant sticks. Why you should trust me: I’ve been a journalist for 20 years (yikes), a consumer of food for 40-plus years, and I’m truly hard pressed to think of foods I don’t like (or that I can’t tolerate at the very least). Oh and one time I cooked my way through Guy Fieri’s cookbook and wrote about the journey through Flavortown. What I buy every week: Trader Joe’s Original Savory Thins. Fat free plain yogurt (usually Fage or Nancy’s). Honeycrisp apples. Sweet cream coffee creamer for my at-home Americanos. A frozen cauliflower crust pizza and some jarred mushrooms to top it with. Old El Paso Stand ‘N Stuff taco shells and Gardein Ground Be’f, even though I think “be’f” is a nightmarish contraction. Favorite ranking: Stouffer’s frozen dinners. I don’t own a microwave (I get my cancers the old fashioned way!), so I love taste testing things that I don’t really buy to eat at home. Least favorite ranking: Soy sauce. Don’t get me wrong, I love soy sauce—but consuming that much sodium in one sitting is probably illegal in some countries. Our frozen enchilada taste test was a close second; the smell of microwaved corn tortillas still haunts me.