We Tried Everything At The Cheez-It Food Court

I have to start things off by saying I love Chain. Chain is an American pop cuisine brand that was founded by B.J. Novak on a few different ideas―mainly that fast food can be fancy and that there’s real fun to be found in reliving fast food dishes from your childhood. And boy, do they knock it out of the park. Which is why I was truly excited to get a chance to try the lineup at their Cheez-It Court at the Westfield Topanga Mall this past week.

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We covered a bit about this collaboration the other day, so I won’t bore you with all the details. I’ll just let you know my thoughts on the three foods that Chain is serving up alongside Cheez-It this month. Before anyone who’s not in the LA clicks away, Chain shared that they’ll be publishing the recipes for these crafts at the end of the month. Stick with me so you know what’s worth making at home!

Cheez-Steak

Pros: This is a solid cheese steak. Just not a Cheez-Steak but we’ll get into that later on. For now, we’re on the good parts. The sliced ribeye was flavorful, the cheese was cheesing, and the grilled onions and pickled jalapeños added an extra kick. If I got this at the cheesesteak place down the street from my apartment, I would be content. I think this also works the best as a food court item of the three in the lineup.

Cons: The bread is dryyy on this one. Which would be fine if there was enough slop (used in a positive sense) inside to wet things up a bit. There, unfortunately, was not. Chain outlines there being Cheez-Its in every part of this dish but I really only noticed it as the powder that was added to the top of the bun. It didn’t add much flavor and just resulted in me getting cheesy fingers. Though fun in theory, it was a bit of a dud in practice.

Crunchy Cheez-Dog

Pros: Chain does the Korean corn dog justice on this rendition. There’s a big, juicy Wagyu hot dog at the center of the dish. Literally. The panko and Cheez-It cracker crust is crispy. And most importantly (and probably sad news for the dish overall), the bed of Cheez-It crackers that it was placed upon were freaking amazing. Those things were extra cheesy and out of the whole meal, that was the one thing I couldn’t get enough of.

Cons: I just came back from the Minnesota State Fair, which means I have particular thoughts on corn dogs and food on a stick in general. That being said, I have never thought about the stick that food stands are putting their food on until this moment. That’s sadly because Chain very clearly chose the wrong stick to skewer their massive corn dog onto.

Chain is definitely using a traditional bamboo skewer which comically did not support the weight of all they had going on with it. I was actually afraid it would snap in two when I tried to hold it up by the stick. They need to go with some girthier wood.

Speaking of weight though, they’re adding on too much to the corn dog. If I’m going to be eating this in and around a mall, we can’t be topping this thing with actual chunks of pickle that are going to fall off when I try to take a bite.

Cheez-Y Bun

Pros: If the idea of a Cheez-It cinnamon roll scares you, let me put your mind at ease. This is essentially a caramel roll with a bit of flare. Yes, there’s cheese in the cream cheese frosting but hello, that’s what cream cheese is anyway! The cheesiest part about this is the actual Cheez-Its that adorn the top of the bun but you surprisingly can’t taste them that much through all the cinnamon and cream cheese of it all. The roll itself was actually one of the better cinnamon rolls I’ve had which counts for something considering I call myself a cinnamon roll fanatic.

Cons: While it is a damn good cinnamon roll, I would have loved a little more whackiness. Which is a loaded thing to say but hey, this is the Cheez-It Court after all. Give us the fun! Put some crackers inside the bun, you freaks. Go hog wild. I’ll dock a spork just for playing it safe.