Easter is just around the corner and, as such, thus begins the hunt. The Easter egg hunt, that is! I didn’t grow up Christian, but I did participate in various Easter egg hunts throughout the years, and let me tell you: That fateful Saturday before Easter, when our neighborhood came together to hide little plastic eggs up and down our beloved drainage ditch was consistently one of my favorite days of the entire year. Turns out I was (and still am, let’s be real) very motivated by food. Each neon plastic egg held a different little treat and each was so full of the potential for imminent joy—kind of like you and I, right? Every person is like an egg just waiting to be popped open—and every person has a star sign that aligns just about perfectly with a specific Easter candy. So as the Easter bunny would say, let’s hop to it!
Aries (March 21-April 19): Cadbury Mini Eggs
Cadbury Mini Eggs are a favorite of all who try them, and they have definitely been at the top of our Easter candy ranking in years past. Similarly, Aries folks are pretty universally liked, but they also have an intense competitive streak that pushes them to always want to be #1. So here you go Aries people—a winning candy for the winningest sign.
Taurus (April 20-May 20): Cadbury Creme Egg
If I’m ever having a rough day around Easter season, there are exactly three things that can make me feel better: Cadbury Creme Eggs, the soothing presence of my Taurus friends, and focusing on the giant plot hole that is the Easter Bunny instead of focusing on my problems (how is the bunny related to Easter? and why does it have eggs?! bunnies are canonically not oviparous animals). Anyways, Tauruses are a soothing presence like these egg candies—love you Tauruses!
Gemini (May 21-June 20): Lemon Crisp Kit Kat
Geminis will always surprise you and take things in a direction you don’t expect. You know what else is unexpected? How gosh dang good these Lemon Crisp Kit Kats are. You get the flavor of a lemony Easter cookie mixed with the texture of a Kit Kat. And you know what else combines two distinct sides to make something doubly as great? Your favorite Gemini friend, that’s what. Er, who.
Cancer (June 21-July 22): Jelly Belly Jelly Beans
I know. Jelly beans at Easter time? Not novel at all. Or at least that is what one might think if they’d never tried Jelly Belly jelly beans, which come in (as far as I can tell from their website) a whopping 157 different flavors. These bad boys will keep you anything but bored this Easter season. Cancers are like these Jelly Beans because upon first impression you may not notice how insanely cool and unpredictable a Cancer can be.
Leo (July 23-August 22): Peeps
Let’s be real: Easter is during Peeps season and not the other way around, and that main character energy is perhaps the most Leo thing I have ever seen.
Virgo (August 23-September 22): SweeTARTS Jelly Beans
Virgos need two candies in one and here’s why: They simply don’t have the time to research and buy two different highly rated bags of Easter candies. They are too busy saving the world to pick out SweeTARTS and jelly beans, and these bad boys (beyond being delicious) really channel both beautifully.
Libra (September 23-October 22): Sour Patch Bunnies
Sweet, sour, chewy, a little bit crunchy from the sugar crystal coating, aesthetically pleasing—these things are perfectly balanced. What more could a Libra want?
Scorpio (October 23-November 21): Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs
Scorpios are mysterious. And, as I mentioned earlier, the biggest Easter mystery is, “Why is there a rabbit involved?”…followed closely by, “Where are all them aigs?” These Reese’s were made for egg hunting, what with being already in egg form, so you don’t even have to re-egg them into a larger, harder-shelled eggs pre-hunt (though you might want to just to prevent squishage, PB is notoriously susceptible to squishage).
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): Whoppers Robin Eggs
I have said it before and I’ll say it again: What the heck are Whoppers? I have had them throughout my life but ask me to explain what exactly they are and you will get a blank stare followed by a shrug since I always forget phones exist and I could just know the things I don’t know if only I had one iota of Sagittarian curiosity in me. But alas, I don’t. And thus, Sagittarians are the only ones curious enough to spelunk this confectionary rabbit hole (get it? Easter?), and I do commend them for it.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19): Trader Joe’s Candy Coated Dark Chocolate Covered Almonds
Capricorns are the most mature of the signs, and there is no combo more mature and adult than dark chocolate and almonds. This isn’t kid candy, this is people food, just like Capricorns are never the kid friends—they are the adult friends who have their affairs in order, their ducks in a row, and their taxes filed by January 2.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18): Trader Joes Peas & Carrots Sour Gummy Candies
I am an Aquarius and when I saw these in Trader Joe’s last week I have to confess that I almost bought them just for the bit. As a goof. As a quirky little taste test just for me. These peas n’ carrots are unique and innovative, just like Aquarians all believe themselves to be, and, hey. In this case and in the case of Aquarians, these attributes mostly apply.
Pisces (February 19-March 20): Lindt Easter Milk Chocolate Gold Bunny
These bunnies are creamy, dreamy, beautiful (Covergirl), just like our sweet, romantic Pisces friendos. Nothing says both whimsical, nostalgic romance and Easter at the same time quite like a bunny made out of high-quality Swiss chocolate. Get one of these for your Pisces friend this year and see what they say. (Spoiler alert, it will probably be “Thanks!” or “Why are you giving me a bunny?” depending on how well you know them.)
