The best Soylent flavor is people. We all know that. Oh, wait, that’s Soylent Green. That’s a different article. Today, we’re talking about Soylent, the soy-based meal replacement shake.
Founded in 2013, Soylent first hit the market in one flavor: Original. (Though, I would argue the flavor is “pancake batter.”) It was created for people who felt that eating was a waste of time, something I can’t come close to understanding—though it has since found audiences with other groups, including people who break their foot skateboarding and therefore need to have easy, no-prep, nutritious “meals” on hand.
Today, you can get Soylent shakes in a selection of flavors, ranging from chocolate to banana to the seasonal gingerbread. (Side note: All Soylent flavors are sweet. As a salty person, I’d love to see the company try out a savory flavor. Soylent Gazpacho, perhaps? Butternut Squash Soylent? Microwaveable Clam Chowder Soylent? I’m here to brainstorm, Soylent.) But which of the existing Soylent flavors is the best Soylent flavor?
It’s hard to find Soylent flavors sold in singles—you usually have to buy them in bulk—which makes it difficult to dip in and sample the selection to find your ideal flavor. That’s how I can help. Read through this Soylent review and allow me to be your surrogate taste buds. Then buy the Soylent flavor that most resonates with you.
Here are seven Soylent flavors, ranked from no good to so good.
- Cafe Chai Soylent
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Oddly, this was the Soylent flavor that came closest to being savory. But I don’t want my chai to be savory. It’s very strange, to say the least. It tastes a bit like a craft shop smells (fall spices mixed with wood and soap), but then there’s some salinity—and maybe a touch of turmeric? The texture is also the grainiest of the bunch. I’m sure this is someone’s favorite Soylent drink, but it’s not mine.
Credit: Merc / Walmart
- Banana Soylent
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While the chai was almost savory, the banana is so, so, so, so sweet. It tastes like a Banana Runt and it’s a little chalky, as well. While all Soylent flavors can be drunk at room temperature (and many taste just fine like that), this one absolutely needs to be enjoyed ice cold in order to mute the sweetness a bit. If you really love banana-flavored candy, this is the best Soylent flavor for you. Just be prepared for serious sweetness and definitely keep it cold.
Credit: Merc / Walmart
- Mint Chocolate Soylent
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Another Soylent flavor that definitely needs to be chilled to be enjoyed. It tastes a bit like an Andes mint or a Thin Mint cookie but not as sweet. It could definitely benefit from some sugar or sweetness of some sort. Because, while chocolate and mint are a classic pairing, unsweetened cocoa powder and mint are very odd together. It’s not that it’s bad, per se, it’s just very strange.
Credit: Merc / Target
- Strawberry Soylent
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This Soylent drink smells like strawberry-flavored instant oatmeal. It’s sweet but not super sweet, though it finishes chalky. I initially thought this would taste like strawberry milk—very sweet with that classic fake strawberry flavor. But it’s not like that at all. If you like the leftover milk from a bowlful of Special K Red Berries, then this is the best of the Soylent flavors.
Credit: Merc / Walmart
- Vanilla Soylent
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Here comes custard in a bottle. This Soylent shake tastes like pourable custard—like you were making flan and just decided to bottle the mix before cooking it. It’s sweet and creamy and rich with vanilla flavor—with a layer of soy flavor, as well. It’s pretty intense for vanilla. I couldn’t drink a lot of it, but I enjoyed what I had.
Credit: Merc / Target
- Cafe Mocha Soylent
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I would totally drink this for breakfast. With 150mg of caffeine and 20g protein, it’s a totally effective all-in-one morning “meal.” It also contains L-theanine, which purportedly reduces stress and anxiety. It’s not quite as thick as the other Soylent drinks on this list; it drinks more like a standard canned mocha. If you aren’t a coffee fan, skip this Soylent flavor, though. It’s definitely more coffee-forward than chocolate.
Credit: Merc / Amazon
- Creamy Chocolate Soylent
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Look, chocolate milk is one of the best beverages available to man. And this Soylent shake tastes like chocolate milk. Therefore, it’s the best Soylent flavor. It’s rich, creamy, and full of cocoa flavor without too much sweetness. I would have no problem draining a whole bottle. If you ever dreamt of having chocolate milk for a meal, this is your chance.
Credit: Merc / Target
Cafe Chai
Banana
Mint Chocolate
Strawberry
Vanilla
Cafe Mocha
Best of the Best
Thoughts? Questions? Complete disagreement? Leave a comment!