It’s time for a good ol’ fashioned Cheese Cracker Off! For this competition, I pitted the two animal-shaped cheese crackers closest to my heart against each other: Goldfish and Annie’s Cheddar Bunnies. While both crackers perform extremely well independently in terms of crunch and flavor, I set out to weigh their versatility and see which cracker performs the best when paired with dips, soup, and wine. Let the Cracker Off commence!
Round 1: Dips
Understanding that this isn’t the typical usage case for these types of crackers, I wanted to see how they would stand up to three different dips: hummus, guacamole, and cocoa almond spread. Goldfish outshined its bunny counterpart here by two to one, taking the gold in both the hummus and chocolate categories. Annie’s performed well with guacamole, but only because the bunnies allow the guac flavor to shine through. But, in the end, Goldfish brought both the salt and the crunch, easily claiming the win in this category. Plus, somehow the bunnies dipped in chocolate tasted sour?
Round 2: Soup
Gone are the days of garnishing soups with saltines, as I am here to inform you that the go-to should be Goldfish. Pairing cheesy salty crackers with tomato soup is like a souped up version (pun intended) of adding oyster crackers to your bowl—or a miniaturized version of dipping a grilled cheese in tomato soup. Unfortunately for Annie’s, you must be Goldish-level salty to swim in this bowl, and Annie’s is lacking in the salt department. I want to extend my gratitude to the person on the Goldfish product development team who I imagine feverishly shouted, “MORE SALT!” in the lab. They knew what they were doing, and while my blood pressure may not thank them, my mouth sure does.
Round 3: Wine
I paired the cheese crackers with Pinot Grigio and, for once, Annie’s took the win. The bunnies didn’t overpower the drink nor did they result in any odd aftertaste. Goldfish, however, did not interact well with the wine. Something about them made the taste of the wine almost malty. As a person who doesn’t really like the taste of beer all that much, I wasn’t the biggest fan of this reaction. The acidity of the wine was suppressed by the Goldfish, whereas the Cheddar Bunnies elevated that fruity acidity.
I was rooting for Annie’s Cheddar Bunnies, to be quite honest, as the box boasts that the crackers are organic, contain no artificial flavoring or synthetic coloring, and they come in a completely adorable shape. But Goldfish is the better, more versatile cracker. Goldfish took two out of the three rounds, mostly thanks to its high level of saltiness. I’ve never seen saltiness alone get someone or something so far, but there’s a first time for everything. Moral of the story: Stay salty, folks.