You might think the song of the summer is “Espresso” by Sabrina Carpenter. You might think it is “Training Season” by Dua Lipa. Heck, you might even think it’s “Orinoco Flow” by Enya (why? I have no idea…that one’s on you, dawg). But either way, you are all wrong. The song of the summer is all kinds of food served on a stick. Always has been, always will be. Now you may be thinking, “But Jessica, food on a stick isn’t a song, it’s just nourishment at the state fair,” and be that as it may, it doesn’t stop the phrase, “Hey, do you want a corn dog?” from being music to my ears. But we aren’t just talking about corn dogs—there’s a food on a stick out there for every possible personality, so stick around because we’re about to tell you which iconic food on a stick you are based on your zodiac sign.
Aries (March 21-April 19): Fried Snickers
Snickers i one of the most popular candy bars and if you think deep frying it makes it less enticing, then you’ve got another thing coming. Aside from people with nut allergies, I don’t think I know a single person who wouldn’t think that the intense chocolatey, melty goodness of a deep-fried Snickers at least sounds good. This is a lot like Aries folks, who are known for being popular, as well as super intense. They love to be number one and when it comes to fried candy bars, I think we found their match.
Read our ranking of the best candy bars
Taurus (April 20-May 20): Popsicles/Ice Cream Bars
Tauruses are trustworthy, calming, and dependable, just like all manner of frozen confections. Some even call them stubborn and a bit hard-headed at times, and in the food on a stick world, there are few things more hard-headed than a popsicle or, better yet, an ice cream bar with a hard chocolate shell. Thank you in advance Tauruses and popsicles for keeping us calm, cool, and freezy breezy beautiful this summer.
Read our ranking of the best popsicles
Gemini (May 21-June 20): Chocolate Covered Bacon
What do chocolate and bacon have in common? Well, almost nothing, really. But the one common thread is that they are both pretty McFrickin fantastic. Take these two seemingly disparate foods and put them together to create one sweet-and-savory snack on a stick and bam—magic. This reminds me of Geminis, whose personalities may have two seemingly disparate (albeit likable) sides that end up coming together to create a single chaotic, energetic person who is distinctly sweet, salty, and strange.
Read our ranking of the best bacon
Cancer (June 21-July 22): Fried Butter on a Stick
At first, you might think this one is fake. How would that even work? But in actuality, this delicacy is the pride of Iowa (or at least their state fair) and it must be great, because people have supposedly been deep frying butter for years. Fried butter sounds kind of gross at first, but it apparently tastes like a really buttery French toast—the butter mostly melts into the corndog-batter-like breading around it. This is like Cancers, who you have to get to know a bit first before they reveal their true buttery French toast selves to you. But even from the get-go, they are always nurturing, warm, and caring—just like fried butter on a stick.
Read our ranking of the best butter
Leo (July 23-August 22): Corn Dogs
The platonic ideal of summer foods on sticks…or at least the most common one. Both Leos and corn dogs have main character energy, and they are both well-liked, sweet, and Dame Julie Andrews loves them in The Princess Diaries.
Read our ranking of the best corn dogs
Virgo (August 23-September 22): Fried Mac and Cheese Balls on a Stick
Virgos are hardworking, analytical, and practical, and people like that don’t have time to make their mac from scratch. No, they need a quick way to get mac and cheese straight to the dome, and what better solution than fried mac and cheese balls on a stick? This snack on a stick is quick, non-messy, enticing, and creative, just like a Virgo.
Read our ranking of the best mac and cheese bites
Libra (September 23-October 22): Fried Pickles on a Stick
Want something salty, fatty, sour, crunchy, soft, and juicy? Go get yourself a fried pickle on a stick, one of the most balanced fried foods on a stick you can get. Why? Because a pickle will never be too rich the way cheese and chocolate-related deep-fried foods can end up being. Plus, fried pickles on a stick bring a range of flavors and taste sensations that make the whole experience oh-so balanced, just like a Libra would want. These pickles are the Avatar Aang of foods on a stick.
Read our ranking of the best dill pickles
Scorpio (October 23-November 21): Tornado Potato
How do they do it? How do they tornado the potato? These crunchy, spiraling spuds are a beautiful mystery to me, just like you Scorpios. And much like things my Scorpio friends say, even after thinking about a potato tornado at length, I still don’t entirely understand it. But do I respect the hell out of it? Absolutely.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): Cotton Candy
Who first thought of cotton candy? How? Did they accidentally spill sugar into a super wobbly pan on the stove and it started spinning and throwing hot sugary webs everywhere? Did someone set out to make cotton candy on purpose after seeing it in a dream? Have we been lied to this whole time and it is actually the telltale droppings of the (very real) endangered unicorn? Curious and knowledge-seeking Sagittarians would know that it was actually a super purposeful invention back in 1899 by a dentist of all people, so this airy, iconic food on a stick has to be them.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19): Cake Pops
Capricorns are disciplined, mature, and precise, and guess which food on a stick is all about precision and aesthetics? Cake pops. Plus, if you want to make super elaborate and beautiful cake pops you need a whole sheet pan’s worth of patience (in addition to a sheet pan’s worth of cake) and that’s why these ones have got to be Capricorns.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18): Korean Mozzarella Mochi Corndog
It’s giving inventive, it’s giving trendy, it’s giving Instagram-able, it’s giving corndog but make it sexier, it’s giving “Sugar on a cheesy donut on a stick?!”, it’s giving glamour, and most of all, it’s giving cheese pull so long it puts this sentence to shame. It’s the mozzarella filled mochi corndog and it. is. divine. As the most independent and creative of the signs, Aquarians love when established things get reinvented, and Korea really turned the entire idea of a corndog on its head when they replaced the dog part with cheese. Genius.
Pisces (February 19-March 20): Tanghulu
You may have seen those viral videos recently of people dipping fruit skewers into sugar that is at the “hard crack” stage until the fruit is coated in an ultra-thin, crispy coating of glassy sugar. It’s sweet, it’s interesting, and most of all, it would be the perfect summer snack to bring to a beautiful, romantic picnic in the park, aka all of my Pisces friends’ favorite kind of event. Plus, Pisces are known for being sweet, romantic, and for loving a good, artistic, cottage core aesthetic, so there really is no better food on a stick to represent them.
