A few things are a bad match with a bride in a beautiful wedding dress: an overactive bladder; the sound of a sudden, unexpected tear; the moment when a bride or groom starts blubbering before the vows, but for all the wrong, like horribly uncomfortable reasons.
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As if that weren’t enough of a threat to your future wedded bliss, there’s a sleeper danger out there, an unassuming (even friendly, familiar) item, something we’ve all known since childhood, and might normally want as a fixture at our dream wedding. It’s called ketchup. And on the day of expensive white dress wedded bliss, it is your worst nightmare. Luckily, Heinz (yes) just came out with the most unexpected solution ever…
Introducing the Heinz [Wedding] Bib
As someone who’s been married never but spilled ketchup (really a rainbow variety of condiments) on herself so many times, I can guarantee that I own very few white clothing items―and none of them are expensive. So I can understand why any ketchup-loving bride would be hesitant to invite ketchup anywhere near the vicinity of her gown―no matter how hungry the Electric Slide has made her.
But more and more couples are incorporating late night eats into their marathon wedding celebrations. So, perfect pearlescent ivory white or not, ketchup is back on the menu. Or such is the rationale behind the Heinz Bib (available online for $57). And to be fair to Heinz, whom we also respect because this is such an extra kind of kitschy vibe, there is a massive (15M TikToks) trend of gorging late-night eats no matter how fancy or silky the attire. Oh, and did we mention, the bib is actually hand-stitched? Seriously.
The Real Bridal Question: Is It Pretty?
No. The answer is no. I mean, not really? Though it does look exactly like a giant splotch of ketchup, but silky. To be fair, the bib did recently get a kind of fashionista blessing via the celeb-studded wedding of fashion entrepreneur Jordyn Woods to Karl Anthony Towns, Jr. (a New York Knick who’s clearly had a lot to celebrate this year). Woods herself was game enough to wear the bib (and still look exquisite) while enjoying some much-deserved fries. In Woods own, totally reasonable words: “We were not risking the dress.”
What did everyone else think of it? Responses were varied to say the least, with some comments taking the bib very seriously and others just enjoying the kitsch. Tide Laundry joined the fun, commenting “We’re gonna be out of a job.” Some comments focused on the price of the bib with one short, succinct response simply being “yikes.” One user sincerely replied “Can we get married again so I can use this?” while another mentioned a possible flaw in the Heinz plan: “We need a yellow one for the mustard eaters.”
It’s silly. It’s fun. And if you’re comfortable being seen wearing the thing, it could maybe save your wedding dress from a ketchup stain.
Thoughts? Questions? Complete disagreement? Leave a comment!