If you have ever been to a restaurant chain in the U.S. that has a “house salad,” then you have had a giant list of salad dressings read out to you like a never-ending vinaigrette-filled poem. And while everyone has a different go-to salad dressing (and that choice might say something about you), I am of the firm belief that everyone also has a specific salad that fits their vibe according to their zodiac sign. So without further ado, here is what salad dressing you are based on your zodiac sign, many of them from our list of the very best salad dressings you can buy.
Aries (March 21-April 19): Caesar
You would hard pressed to find a person who would say no to a fresh, garlicky Caesar salad. Caesar dressing is likable, inoffensive, and not so healthy that it is no longer fun. This is just like Aries folks—everyone likes them, and while they aren’t wildin’ like some of the other signs, they are still a ton of fun to have around in any given situation.
Read the full ranking of the best Caesar salad dressing
Taurus (April 20-May 20): Garlic Basil Vinaigrette
Tauruses are creative and unique but also a calming, soothing presence. This is why they are garlic basil vinaigrette. It has the calming herbiness of a spa day and is definitely one of the rarer and less ubiquitous dressings. Those who know it LOVE it, and those who don’t know are missing out. This is similar to Tauruses who are soothing yet creative and people who aren’t friends with any are missing out.
Gemini (May 21-June 20): Italian
To eat Italian dressing, you famously have to shake it first to mix the oil and the other stuff together. And while the two parts may come together as one for fleeting moments of unstable emulsification, for the most part, Italian dressing is made of two distinct yet beautiful parts, just like Geminis. And also like Geminis, sometimes you have to shake things up a bit to keep them on board, but hey—they keep us on our toes and we love them for it.
Read the full ranking of the best Italian dressing
Cancer (June 21-July 22): French
Cancers are the queens of not matching their first impressions. Similarly, French dressing may seem Intimidating to the uninitiated because France just connotes fanciness, but it turns out French dressing is pretty much just ketchup and oil. In other words, it’s super chill (and very delicious). All that is to say, Cancers seem intimidating but in reality, they are just cool, chill people (and they will make your salads better?).
Read the full ranking of the best French dressing
Leo (July 23-August 22): Ranch
Because what else would Leos be?
Read the full ranking of the best ranch dressing
Virgo (August 23-September 22): Oil and Balsamic Vinegar
Busy, busy Virgos need to be able to whip up something quick and get on with their lives, and there is nothing quicker than dumping some olive oil, vinegar, salt, and pepper in a container, shaking it up, and calling it a done deal. Plus, if you were too busy to go to the grocery store, these are all things you might have on hand already—perfect for Virgos.
Libra (September 23-October 22): Thai Spicy Peanut
Libras do be lookin’ for that good good balance, and there are few salad dressings that bring the salt, fat, acid, and heat quite like a good Thai peanut dressing. It is complex, flavorful, harmonious, and out-of-the-box creative—all qualities that this dressing shares with Libras. It just makes sense.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21): Green Goddess
Green Goddess is the most mysterious dressing, so it has to be the most mysterious of the signs: Scorpio. Who is the goddess? Why is she green? Is she the Jolly Green Giant’s mom? I have so many questions (luckily, Sporked has answers). I will say that I have never had two green goddess salads that taste exactly the same. It is wildly different depending on the brand to the point where if its is green and even vaguely creamy, I feel like it could be called a green goddess dressing. See? Very mysterious. Very Scorpio.
Read the full ranking of the best green goddess dressing
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): Thousand Island
Sagittariuses are curious and another salad dressing that begs many questions is thousand island. It isn’t tropical, so it would seem that perhaps the islands are the little pieces of relish. But as for why they are called islands—it remains a bit of a mystery, and there is nothing Sagittariuses love more than a good mystery. Please find me answers, my Sagittarius friends—the game is afoot. Here’s a cheat code, though, if you are interested.
Read the full ranking of the best thousand island dressing
Capricorn (December 22-January 19): Red Wine Vinaigrette
Okay, bear with me on this one. Red wine vinaigrette has red wine vinegar in it, red wine takes time to age, and then even more time to turn into vinegar. This is all to say that to make red wine vinaigrette from scratch would take an awful lot of patience, and there is only one sign known for their endless patience: Capricorns. This makes them the red wine vinaigrette of people and, no, I will not be taking questions at this time.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18): Red Salsa
Let’s face it, Aquariuses are not going to think ahead and buy dressing, they are going to iron chef it from whatever they have in the fridge and call it their “creation.” And if they happen to have some red salsa in the fridge then, hooo boi, is that salsa now a dressing. I’ve also used BBQ sauce, or a strange mix of various soy sauces, vinegars, nut butters, and syrups (hi, yes, I am an Aquarius and the chaos is no joke).
Read the full ranking of the best store bought salsa
Pisces (February 19-March 20): Honey Mustard Dressing
Pisces are the most romantic of the signs, and if you happened to be in a romantic relationship with a person named Mustard then you might, in fact, occasionally see your honey Mustard dressing. Ha 🙂 But dad jokes aside, there is something whimsical about honey mustard. It takes something so tart and punchy and mellows it out with some sweetness, and if that isn’t a metaphor for a ton of different relationships, I don’t know what is. Pisces are sometimes that mellowing sweetness and sometimes their spicier side comes through, but either way they are quirky and fun and we love them, just like we love honey mustard dressing.