You might think there’s only one way to eat a string cheese—but that’s because it’s the way you eat a string cheese. In reality there are five ways. Some are definitely more correct than others, but each one reveals something about your personality. Forget the stars. Forget the cards. Forget having an open and honest chat with someone about themselves. Hand someone a string cheese and watch them chow down. That’s how you can really tell a person’s true identity. There’s some free dating advice, you’re welcome.
Without further ado, here are the five ways to eat string cheese and what they say about a person.
Tiny Strand by Tiny Strand
You savor the finer things in life—and the mundane things in life, like string cheese. Some people find you immensely frustrating, but you know that it’s all worth it in the end. “All in good time,” you repeat to yourself on a daily basis. Sometimes you find yourself wishing life was more like the Little House on the Prairie days, when making maple candy on snow was the biggest event of the year. Better start eating that string cheese now—your lunch break is only an hour.
You would peel thin strands if you could, but you’re just not quite dextrous enough. It’s always been like that, hasn’t it? Some people call you clumsy. Some people refer to your hands as paws. No one ever trusts you with the good plates. But, hey, buddy? Pal? Friend? You are loved. Just—maybe let someone else chop that onion.
Big Ol’ Chunks
You respect labels—but you don’t love them. You follow the rules—but you allow yourself a little act of rebellion every so often. So you see that it’s string cheese—but you refuse to take that title literally. You will peel the stick, but you peel it into wide strips. It’s not string cheese when you eat it. It’s yarn cheese. That’ll show the man.
Peeling Then Biting
You always have the best of intentions but can’t see a project through to completion. Remember when you tried to get into pottery? That lump you call a paperweight looks great, by the way. Or what about the meal planning you started on Sunday? How are those chopped carrots and nothing else tasting? You start your string cheese with slow, methodical peels. But eventually you inevitably get impatient and take a big bite. Who can be bothered?
Bites? Really? It’s string cheese. Just get another kind of cheese—any other kind of cheese! You have no respect for the sanctity of society.