For the first time in the history of the cookie, Oreo is getting a very gay makeover with its new packaging in honor of Pride Month. While these may technically be the first gay Oreos, we all know that Oreos have been the queerest cookie on the market for quite some time. I mean, what kind of cookie collabs with Lady Gaga if they aren’t part of the community?
Speaking of community, being part of the LGBTQIA+ community means different things to different people. And much like Oreo preferences, people have Pride partying preferences. Because of this, I have compiled a list of what your choice in Oreo says about how you party during Pride Month.
Vanilla Oreo Thins
While you have pride, you are not celebrating Pride. Unless by “celebrating” you mean spending most of June in the Hamptons with your husband in a Vrbo-rented mini-mansion with another rich gay couple. Parades are your past. Pastry-laden brunches are your present. Your aesthetic is coastal grandmother and you will go to any lengths to achieve that, including trying to get an invite to an Ina Garten dinner party.
Limited Edition Pride Oreos
This is your first year celebrating Pride and you will be doing so in a “QUEER AF” tank top from the Target Pride collection. You’re finally living as your authentic self and want literally everyone to know it. With your first-ever girlfriend by your side, you’re heading to the parade early so you don’t miss any of the action. Unfortunately, you will be blackout drunk before 2 p.m.
Ultimate Chocolate Oreos
You’re a big advocate for kink at Pride, and we thank you for your service.
Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie Oreos
Pride is all about the daytime events for you because you are a parent now. You’re taking your toddler to a drag brunch and that baby will get more attention than any queen on the stage. Your whole family has coordinating rainbow outfits, including your pitbull mix. You’ll be celebrating all month long at Angel City games and kid-friendly breweries.
You are celebrating Pride at home in your safe space. You’re an introvert and all the festivities are simply too much for you. That being said, Pride is still important to you! While all the commotion is going on outside, you’ll be curled up on the couch with a copy of Fiona and Jane by Jean Chen Ho and a plate of the Trader Joe’s soup dumplings. Your cat is the only company you need.
If you reach for the Firework Oreos, you live to party and you’ll try anything at least once. You’re definitely the most fun person in your friend group. While, much like these Oreos, you and your partying style are an acquired taste, people can’t deny that you’re a good time. Your Pride weekend is jam-packed with events and you will absolutely be losing your phone.
You’re still partying for Pride, but way less than in years past because you are finally in a healthy relationship. The coordinating outfits you wear to the parade will let everyone know that. The effort you normally spend trying to find someone to hook up with will now be spent avoiding your partner’s ex. The goal and purpose of Pride weekend are to get that one perfect, very gay couple picture for Instagram.