Should You Be Making Eggnog with Mayonnaise?

It’s been a WILD year in food news, you guys. Kroger and Albertsons are merging, Coca-Cola released a Pixel -flavored soda (and a Dream flavored one, too), and Taco Bell experimented with putting a giant Cheez-It into their Crunchwraps. And who can forget the time Pringles tried to get us to “adopt a spider”? I thought, “It’s December, what else could these damn trickster companies do that could possibly surprise me?” And, y’all, I must’ve jinxed it because earlier this month, Hellmann’s hit us with the shocking proposition that we should be putting mayonnaise in eggnog. I have so many questions. First off: 

Why? 

Secondly: WHY???

Thirdly: WHYYYYY?????

But once I got over the shock, found a warm blanket, stopped shaking, and drank a cup of hot cocoa (minus any mayo), I got to thinking: Would this really be so bad? Is egg eggnog the nog of the past while mayo eggnog is the nog of the here and now? We’ll get to that in a second, but for now, let’s answer my first three questions.

Whyyyyy put mayonnaise in eggnog?

Hellmann’s (via Food & Wine) claims that this whole mayonnaise eggnog shtick is to “highlight the versatility of Hellmann’s Mayonnaise and encourage everyone to get creative in the kitchen this holiday season.” Hmmmm. Well I think it’s for shock factor and to get people like me to write articles like this so that more and more people are talking about Hellman’s. Or maybe I’m just jaded and this stuff is simply absolutely delicious in nog form. 

How are they putting mayonnaise in eggnog?

Are they just making eggnog and then finishing it with a healthy squirt of mayonnaise? Are they replacing the egg with mayo and then calling it “mayo-nog” (no actually, they really are)? It’s actually potentially more reassuring than that. They got an award-winning mixologist in New York named Cody Goldstein to craft a Frozen Mayo-Nog cocktail for the holiday season. The drink uses mayo instead of egg, mixing dark rum, apple brandy, cognac, whole milk, heavy cream, simple syrup, vanilla, nutmeg, a cup of ice, and cinnamon with a quarter-cup of Hellmann’s mayonnaise. Throw that all in a blender and you have three servings of mayonnaise eggnog, ripe for the sippin.’ You can make it yourself at home with this recipe, or go get the drink at Amy Fontaine’s in New York City until December 15. 

Look, I… 

…I kind of think this sounds fantastic. Am I happy about it? No. Would I try this? Unfortunately, yes. Do I have standards? Apparently not. 

Hellman’s you eggy, oily devil! Why does this make so much sense? And why do I want to try it so badly? Mayo is just salty-sweet egg and oil. Eggnog already has a ton of egg and fat in it. It just seems like it would work. Maybe I was a bit harsh at the beginning of this article. Maybe Hellmann’s is right and we should all be putting just a touch of mayo into more places it doesn’t belong. And heck, maybe I’ll actually try making mayo-nog this holiday season. If it’s good, guess I’ll be the one with egg—sorry, mayo on my face.