We Tried Pepperoni Pizza-Flavored Soda So You Don’t Have To

The madmen at Perfy, a scrappy little better-for-you soda brand, have ruined my month by releasing Pepperoni Pizza Soda. I could have forgiven them for that, but then they mailed me a pizza box containing four cans of this liquid terror (plus a few packets of crushed red pepper and parmesan, which was pretty funny). Do you remember reading “The Monster at the End of this Book” as a kid? I feel like Grover right now. I know that no matter how long I drag out this introduction, sooner or later, I have to drink pepperoni pizza-flavored soda. This is what I get for setting a precedent by drinking that pizza-flavored beer last year.

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I know pepperoni pizza soda doesn’t sound like it’s coming from an intelligent place, but I really like Perfy’s take on Dr Pepper. I’ve tried all four of their main flavors and Dr. Perfy is legitimately my favorite “healthy” pepper soda. I felt obligated to add this chunk here because I know how bad the next section’s going to sound. I’ve gotten to chat with their founder, and he seems like a nice guy. Please don’t let everything I’m about to say about this pizza-flavored soda scare you off from trying this company’s normal flavors.

New Weird Soda Flavor!

Perfy Pepperoni Pizza Soda

Perfy

Pros: This does, technically, taste like specific ingredients found on pizza. If the idea of pizza-flavored soda really appeals to you, this will absolutely deliver.

Cons: What did I do to deserve this? I was expecting this to be unpleasant, but I was absolutely attacked by this beverage. I don’t pick up any pepperoni-ish spices, but the tomato flavor is virulent. (Yes, I had to look up the definition of that word to make sure it was as accurate as possible.) I had a two-liter of my all-time favorite soda right by my side when I sampled this one because I knew I’d be taking constitution damage with every sip. This is, without question, the most unpleasant thing I have ever reviewed in my time here at Sporked. Please stop putting tomato into normally non-tomatoful beverages; it never works.

Credit: Liv Averett / Perfy

Rating:

0/10

Sporks

Where can I find this pizza-flavored soda for myself?

Perfy is selling 12-packs of this on their website while supplies last. If you’re on the fence about ordering this for yourself, here’s a tip: Don’t! If Pepperoni Pizza Soda sells well enough, they might go back to the lab to release something even worse. Get yourself a 12-pack of the wonderful Dr. Perfy instead. Or you could pre-order their upcoming Cherry Cola, which I’m definitely looking forward to cracking open. Perfy makes good sodas—this just isn’t one of them.