We’ve all been relegated to the holiday kids’ table at one point or another. And whether it’s at age 3 or 23, it can only mean one thing: Martinelli’s is on the menu.
That’s not to say Martinelli’s is a punishment. No, no—quite the contrary. Martinelli’s apple cider is the only good thing about your parents subtly hinting at your inability to adult by placing you at a 1.5-foot-tall table surrounded by little plastic chairs and your siblings’ children. So if you are going to be drinking Martinelli’s one way or another this holiday season, you may as well opt for the best ones. From a 2021 episode of Good Mythical More, here is Rhett & Link’s ranking of the most popular Martinelli’s flavors (note that none of these were bad).
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- Martinelli’s Sparkling Cider
The OG. The Classic. Just good ol’ sparklin’ apple cider. The guys described this one as “apple juice with a bite,” and said the flavor was super nostalgic. Rhett even said, “It’s not bad! Maybe I should start doing this more often!” This also took the top spot in Sporked‘s ranking of the best sparkling apple ciders you can buy. A classic for a reason!
- Martinelli’s Unfiltered Apple Juice
This probably isn’t the first thing you think of when it comes to Martinelli’s products. Rhett, a self-proclaimed “pulp guy,” liked the unfiltered nature of this one. Link thought it looked like a hefeweizen (aka wheat beer) due to its lighter shade and cloudiness. After trying some sparkling ciders first, they both missed the bubbles in this one, but, as Rhett said, it’s tough to start with the sparkle and then lose it. Ultimately, they both liked Martinelli’s Unfiltered and agreed it’s a really solid apple juice. Plus, it comes in a beautiful jug with leaves on it, so beautiful in fact that Link was tempted to fill it with sand art.
- Martinelli’s Sparkling Apple Grape
Rhett tried this and immediately said, “Now this is niiice.” There’s a hint of a Welch’s grape juice-esque flavor in this cider, but, nostalgia-wise, it just doesn’t hit like grape juice. On an unrelated note, Rhett thought the fact that you have to peel away the foil to open this one makes it (and anything presented this way) seem fancy. Link thought this one wasn’t grape-y enough, but Rhett decided it has just the right amount of grape flavor. To each their own, I guess!
- Martinelli’s Sparkling Apple Cranberry
This cider has a hint of cranberry flavor, but Rhett & Link thought it lacked bite. Still, breaking open a bottle of this is a good way to help kids acclimate to the tart tanginess of straight-up cranberry juice.
- Martinelli’s Sparkling Apple Juice
Rhett tried this one he said, “Oh. Whoa.” He also said that this tastes like what you give your kid during dinner or family time to introduce them to sparkling beverages as a whole. It should be noted that Martinelli’s sparkling cider and this sparkling apple juice have the exact same ingredients. After a long discussion about the difference between apple cider and apple juice (spoiler, there isn’t one), R&L determined that Martinelli’s sparkling cider has more bite to it, and that made Rhett like it better.
- Martinelli’s Sparkling Blush
What is there to say about this one? It is apparently made with fresh apples and raspberry concentrate, according to the back of the bottle. But if it’s supposed to taste like raspberry, they kind of blew it. To Rhett & Link it just tasted like grape juice. It looks like a rosé, though, and that’s worth something!