Ah, kombucha, aka “fermented sugared tea,” aka “the most acquired of all of the acquired tastes.” So acquired, in fact, that it took me an entire summer to acquire back in 2019 when I was working at a summer camp and suddenly decided it was time for me to mooch some booch. So I asked my friend to try hers. I hated it. Then I tried someone else’s (GT’s Guava Goddess) and liked that one enough not to gag. By the end of the summer, I actually enjoyed drinking it. What a journey.
But much like snowflakes, pancakes, and boobs, no two kombuchas are alike, so back in October 2019, Rhett & Link tried the top kombucha flavors from each of the top six kombucha brands to see which booch would mooch the title of best (non-alcoholic) hooch. I should preface this: Rhett & Link didn’t find any of these kombuchas to be bad, they just liked some more than others. Alright, without further adooch…
- Brew Dr. Kombucha Clear Mind
This one is apparently known as a beginner kombucha for those acquiring the taste. It was so beginner, in fact, that it made Rhett wonder, “Did I even just have kombucha, or did I have water?” They ended up summarizing this one as “tea forward” with “only a little bit of kombucha-ness to it.”
- Wild Tonic Blueberry Basil Kombucha
This one is a “Jun kombucha,” which apparently means it’s made with real honey. This was also the most expensive of the bunch. This brand calls itself the champagne of kombuchas, but was actually less effervescent than the others. Rhett & Link concluded it would be an “interesting experience to have occasionally,” but certainly not their fave.
Note: These next three tied for third but were up on the table in this order (from worse to better)…
- Health-Ade Pink Lady Apple
Link said, and I quote, “it tastes like the apple juice my kids drink when they pretend to get blitzed.” Rhett didn’t taste the apple at all at first. But they both liked it! And, yes, Pink Lady is a variety of apple (a great one, in fact), Health-Ade wasn’t just being feisty with euphemisms.
- Kevita Master Brew Kombucha Ginger
For the cheapest kombucha on the list, this one didn’t do too badly at all! Rhett & Link agreed that the ginger in this one packs a punch and that it was perhaps a bit much for them, though it did kind of create the illusion that this kombucha was doing more for them health-wise. Their top pick also features ginger, but that one edged out its competition by taking the edge off the ginger bite with some other flavors.
- Humm Mango Passionfruit Kombucha
When they tried this one, Rhett immediately said, “Oh yes, baby,” while Link said, “That is a fun, fun flavor time.” But as much as they loved this one, they concluded that it is actually too good tasting to be kombucha (as Rhett said, “Kombucha should be a little bad”). Because Humm is too much fun, it’s not kombucha to their minds and could not take the number one spot.
- GT’s Synergy Trilogy
The minute Rhett & Link tried this one, Rhett said, “That ginger’s got a kick, I like it.” Link said, “This is nice because you get the bite of the ginger but you get the berries to kind of make your mouth a little happier.” In other words, this is one beautifully balanced booch. It has a strong ginger flavor, but contains enough other flavors (namely raspberry and lemon) to balance the ginger and make it less in-your-face. This one was also distinctly more “kombucha tasting” than the Health-Ade, but neither Rhett nor Link minded that.