If you’re tired of Link skewing the results of Gut Check episodes with his wonky voting (which even his ever-improving chart can’t seem to fix), get excited for a new, democratic system. In today’s episode of Good Mythical Morning, Rhett & Link determine the best Doritos flavor with the help of three judges: a “Wildcard” (Kalyn French), an “Everyman” (Matt Lieb), and an “Expert” (Sporked‘s very own Jordan Myrick). So, will Rhett & Link agree with each other? Will they be able sway the judges to their side with a solid defense? Or will it all end in Link-level chaos? Here’s what happened in today’s episode.
- Cool Ranch
Cool Ranch was pitted against its Flamin’ Hot companion. When Rhett tried the flameless chip, he said, “That’s such a good chip. I mean, it is such a good chip. That’s a triumph in snacking.” He was an ardent advocate for the flavor, and was able to sway “Expert” judge Jordan to his side. Though Link summed up the flavor as “elegance,” he ultimately chose the Flamin’ Hot version, along with the majority of the judges.
- Flamin’ Hot Cool Ranch
As “Everyman” judge Matt put it in his best caveman voice: “This is uhh more flavor. More flavor better… it’s got Flamin’ Hot, it’s got cool, and it’s got ranch. So that’s three.” Thank you, Mr. Everyman for that excellent analysis. Despite the “incredible complementary nature,” Rhett was concerned that the extra heat might be “covering up the beauty” of the original. But Link disagreed. “I think it’s the best of both worlds,” he said. The flavor would go on to beat out a majority of the other Doritos flavors; its strong, nostalgic flavor made all the others seem “underwhelming.” Eventually, Rhett came around to the chip, despite initially preferring the non-spicy version. He began to call the Flamin’ Hot Cool Ranch “the perfect chip.” The Everyman seemed to agree, saying “Every time I have it, it’s the best thing I ever had.”
Flamas, the spicy lime flavor, was good but not nearly as good as the Flamin’ Hot Cool Ranch to the guys (despite two judges disagreeing). “The lime is just too strong and it’s too niche,” Link said. “Expert” judge Jordan, however, put it best, saying it was “like a less delicious Taki.”
- Flamin’ Hot Limón
“It’s the same as Flamas, right?” Link asked. A fair question considering they’re both spicy and limey. “It’s different but similar,” Rhett said after tasting it. Link said he preferred the Flamas to the Spicy Limón, but neither of the guys preferred it to the Flamin’ Hot Cool Ranch.
- Nacho Cheese
Link was the only one who chose Nacho Cheese over the Flamin’ Hot Dorito. He said eating this chip was “like eating a lifelong companion…a good feeling.” Huh? Though Rhett absolutely loved the Nacho Cheese Dorito, he asked an important question: “Which bowl are you drawn back to more?” After he thought about it, he answered, “When I saw ‘em, I was like there you are, old love. But then I went into my brain, and the brain wanted to go back to [the Flamin’ Hot Cool Ranch] bowl.” “Expert” judge Jordan agreed with him, saying the classic Nacho Cheese is “underwhelming” compared to the Flamin’ Hot Cool Ranch.” I’m sorry old friend, but we’ve upgraded,” they said. R.I.P. Nacho Cheese.
- Flamin’ Hot Nacho
The Flamin’ Hot Nacho Dorito fell flat next to its spiceless counterpart. “The nacho cheese gets a little bit lost in that,” Rhett said when he tried it. “Expert” judge Jordan chimed in as well, saying that the Flamin’ Hot Nacho tasted “way less spicy” than the Flamin’ Hot Cool Ranch. In effect, the Flamin’ Hot flame had died out.
- Salsa Verde
Salsa Verde was the first true competitor to Flamin’ Hot Cool Ranch. “Ooh! I forgot about these, man. What a unique taste,” Rhett said. Link was somewhat underwhelmed by the “jalapeñoey” flavor and asked Rhett if he was “tempted to throw a vote here just because of the domination” of Flamin’ Hot Cool Ranch. In the end, Rhett admitted that the Flamin’ Hot Cool Ranch was still better.
- Simply Organic White Cheddar
As the flavor was announced by Stevie, Rhett—who was busy munching on a Flamin’ Hot Cool Ranch chip—said, “I do not have to taste the other chip.” He eventually acquiesced though, and gave them a try. “The organic part is fine, it just doesn’t taste good…this is Doritos’ first mistake.” Link agreed, asking, “Where’s the cheese, where’s the flavor?” This was the first and only round with a unanimous vote. The judges called the Simply Organic White Cheddar Dorito “gross” and said that it had “no flavor.” The result of peak democracy? “We hate organic!”
- Spicy Nacho
No, this is not a typo. There is a Doritos Nacho Cheese, a Doritos Flamin’ Hot Nacho, and a Doritos Spicy Nacho. Rhett claimed that it was a good default option, and said, “If you just walked up to me on the street and asked me what my favorite Dorito is, I think I would’ve said Spicy Nacho before today.” But while it sits well in the memory, it didn’t sit well on the guys’ palates. Rhett found the chip too corny, and Link argued that “it’s more nacho than spicy, whereas all the other Nacho spicys were spicy then nacho.”
- Spicy Sweet Chili
“Oh man. That’s doing a lot for me,” Rhett said, “Something about the sugar content and the sweetness tapped into the part of my brain that has kept me going back to [the Flamin’ Hot Cool Ranch] the whole time.” He said that aside from the Flamin’ Hot Cool Ranch, Spicy Sweet Chili was the only other flavor that has a “complexity” with “stages to it.” All of the judges agreed with him. But, in true Link fashion, Link disagreed with them all. He said that it’s “just a Chinese food Dorito” that tastes like “wonton dip.” Democracy prevailed, though. Spicy Sweet Chili dethroned the Flamin’ Hot Cool Ranch.
- Sweet & Tangy Barbeque
Sweet & Tangy Barbeque didn’t match up to Spicy Sweet Chili. Link put it the most eloquently, calling it a “Lay’s barbeque taste superimposed on a corn chip.” Rhett thought it was “too sweet.” Out of spite of democracy overriding him in the previous round, Link chose to abstain from voting and managed to rope “Everyman” judge Matt in with him. However, it couldn’t bring the Flamin’ Hot Cool Ranch back. So, would the game end with a split jury?
No. No, it would not. Because Tapatio came in and blew everyone away. When Rhett took his first bite, he began laughing maniacally. Once his evil giggles were over, he excitedly proclaimed, “It captures all the complexities of Tapatio, perfectly matching them with a Dorito.” Could this be… the new perfect Dorito? Link loved it too, calling it “cohesive.” Despite eating nearly two and a half bags worth of chips over the course of the episode, Rhett’s chip-eating joy was renewed by the Tapatio Dorito. He said, “I think Tapatio is so good. Boy, it’s so good! And it has the spice and the sweet and the hot and it’s—ughh!” Translation? We’ve found the perfect Doritos chip.
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