Sometimes all you want as a vegan is fish. I’m not vegan, so don’t ask me how I know this. I guess I’m just so empathetic, these things naturally occur to me. But here’s the thing: If you’re vegan, you probably don’t eat meat (that includes fish), so you need a good substitute to get you through those classic family seafood meals your sister hosts once a month. Never fear, you crustacean-craving vegan you. On a May 2021 episode of Good Mythical Morning, Rhett & Link tried some pretty wacky (and some fairly straightforward) vegan seafood to fill us in on which are the catch of the day and which are a little fishy (in that they are sus, not that they taste like fish).
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Vegan Zeastar Zalmon Sashimi (Vegan Salmon)
This one was really soft, a little salty, and really subtle. Link thought it tasted like firm tofu rather than fish, while Rhett thought it was rubbery. They guessed that it was maybe vegan crab or tilapia, but nope, it was god ol’ fashioned “zalmon.” In the end, Link thought it was tasteless (as in no taste, not bad taste) and Rhett thought it wasn’t bad at all. It’s worth noting that this stuff truly looked like real salmon sashimi.
Loma Linda Vegetable Skallops
It was immediately apparent that these faux scallops were different from the salmon. They were mushier, according to Link, and fishier (or at least more flavorful), according to Rhett. The Skallops had more taste and salt overall than the salmon, for sure. But did R&L correctly guess what “seafood” they were eating? No, they guessed lobster and crab. Still, given that these are made from wheat gluten and soy protein, you have to admit that it’s pretty amazing what science can do.
Good Catch Fish-Free Tuna
This faux fish was hard on the outside and mushy on the inside. Rhett & Link thought the taste was weird, and they had no idea which seafood this was trying to emulate. It was really bland, but Link thought that maybe if you dressed it up a bit and added other ingredients (like spicy mayo) it might be good. Link also noted that this one was made of “the unfortunately named seitan,” as my dad likes to say. They guessed this one right, though, mainly due to its consistency.
Cavi-art Vegan Caviar
Link made many sounds of disgust while tasting this one, while Rhett thought it was even better than real caviar since it wasn’t as salty or oceanic as the real stuff—all it had was a very subtle brininess. Not bad at all if you’re a caviar fan but say no to roe.
Gardein Mini C’rb Cakes
These “crab cakes” have crunchy edges and a really good flavor, which Rhett & Link were pretty excited about. They even correctly guessed theses were crab cakes! Nice one, Gardein.
All Vegetarian Inc. Vegan Shrimp
These vegan shrimp were chewy and “had a pop to them,” kind of like real shrimp. They didn’t taste bad, but Rhett lamented that they didn’t “taste as good as the thing [they’re] trying to be.” Link really liked them, but then realized maybe that’s because he doesn’t really like seafood in the first place. Stevie thought these were alarming looking, and Rhett noticed that they’re missing the “doo doo track” (aka the vein). Rhett concluded that the consistency is pretty close to shrimp and the flavor is “approaching shrimp,” so that’s something. If you’re a vegan who’s desperate for shrimp, try these as a dupe!
Thoughts? Questions? Complete disagreement? Leave a comment!