I have a confession: I used to watch Stranger Things, but then I lost track of what was happening and stopped watching. I remember Barb dying (RIP, queen) and Noah Schnapp’s weird haircut, but when it started being about Soviet bunkers underneath the mall, I kind of checked out. Anyway, people who did make it through all four seasons are much more familiar with the Hellfire Club. I’ve seen the T-shirts (I love a good raglan). And now I have eaten the pizza rolls.
Netflix and Co. have really merchandised the hell out of this show, and that reach extends to the freezer aisle of your local grocery store. Previously, you could buy Surfer Boy frozen pizzas. And now you can get Stranger Things pizza rolls. The two new Totino’s Pizza Rolls, which have the Hellfire Club logo on the packaging, don’t come in particularly interesting flavors. The thing about them is that they’re spicy pizza rolls, hence the Hellfire Club tie-in. We tried new Spicy Cheese and Spicy Pepperoni pizza rolls to find out whether they bring the heat or whether you should save your Stranger Things merch money for another pair of Stranger Things socks.
New Product!
Totino’s Pizza Rolls Hellfire Club Spicy Cheese & Spicy Pepperoni
These are basically just cheese pizza rolls and pepperoni pizza rolls with hot red pepper added for spice—we’re lumping them together in one review because their pros and cons are essentially the same. Although I will say, maybe it’s been a minute since I’ve had pepperoni Totino’s Pizza Rolls, but I was not a fan of the gamey flavor of the meat.
Pros: If you’ve always wanted spicy pizza rolls, I’m pleased to report that these new Stranger Things pizza rolls are, in fact, quite spicy. We tried both flavors side by side, and both of them really sizzle. You can see bits of hot red pepper flakes in the filling; I have a moderate tolerance for spice and I only really wanted to eat a couple of these. That bodes well for heat freaks. Of course, the biggest pro here is that these are pizza rolls—pizza rolls are good.
Cons: The heat doesn’t really do anything for the overall flavor profile of the pizza rolls. The red pepper flakes add a little bit of bitterness to the filling that sort of clashes with the flavor of the pizza roll wrapper. If you just have to have spicy pizza rolls, knock yourself out, but these aren’t an improvement on the original.
Howdy! I’m Gwynedd, Sporked’s managing editor. I live in Los Angeles and have access to the best tacos the U.S. has to offer—but I’m a sucker for a crunchy Old El Paso taco night every now and then. I’ve been at Sporked since 2022 and I’m still searching frozen mozzarella sticks that can hold a candle to restaurant sticks.
Why you should trust me: I’ve been a journalist for 20 years (yikes), a consumer of food for 40-plus years, and I’m truly hard pressed to think of foods I don’t like (or that I can’t tolerate at the very least). Oh and one time I cooked my way through Guy Fieri’s cookbook and wrote about the journey through Flavortown.
What I buy every week: Trader Joe’s Original Savory Thins. Fat free plain yogurt (usually Fage or Nancy’s). Honeycrisp apples. Sweet cream coffee creamer for my at-home Americanos. A frozen cauliflower crust pizza and some jarred mushrooms to top it with. Old El Paso Stand ‘N Stuff taco shells and Gardein Ground Be’f, even though I think “be’f” is a nightmarish contraction.
Favorite ranking: Stouffer’s frozen dinners. I don’t own a microwave (I get my cancers the old fashioned way!), so I love taste testing things that I don’t really buy to eat at home.
Least favorite ranking: Soy sauce. Don’t get me wrong, I love soy sauce—but consuming that much sodium in one sitting is probably illegal in some countries. Our frozen enchilada taste test was a close second; the smell of microwaved corn tortillas still haunts me.
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Gwynedd Stuart
Danny Palumbo
Jordan Myrick
Ariana Losch
