You guys. I have news. Important news that I did not become aware of until I was 21 years old. News that I heard while sitting alone in my childhood bedroom while taking a remote college food science class (I wanted to take a class where you get to eat stuff, but unfortunately that part didn’t fully work out in spring of 2020). The point is, I learned something that changed my life (in a very minor way) forever. Get this: All tea is the same plant called “camellia sinensis”. WHATTTTTT?!?! I know. This doesn’t include herbal tea, that’s its own thing, but black tea, white tea, green tea, oolong, pu’er—all one plant just treated, dried, and oxidized in different ways. Crazy, right? And in a way, we are all just like tea. We are all just people who have been…well…treated, dried, and oxidized in different ways. So, without further ado, here is what tea you are based on your zodiac sign.
Aries (March 21-April 19): Black Tea
Much like Aries people, black tea can run with different crowds and fit in just fine. Whether it is milk, cream, lemon, crushed-up fruit, or spices, black tea always goes just fine with it. Also, most people can agree black tea is one of the least polarizing teas. It is so versatile that it is hard to find anyone who absolutely hates it (unless they absolutely hate tea, but at that point, it’s a them problem).
Read the full ranking of the best black tea
Taurus (April 20-May 20): Mint Tea
Mint tea is so calming. Just the smell of it can make a person chill out in the best possible way. Tauruses are like that, too—introduce them to a charged situation and everything always relaxes a bit. Plus, Tauruses love to be cozy, and mint tea is up there with the coziest.
Read our ranking of the best peppermint tea
Gemini (May 21-June 20): Orange Spice Tea
Orange spice tea has a lot going for it. A sour, citrussy tang, a warm blend of sweet spices, and, often, a kick of caffeine from the black tea in it. This crazy chaotic mix of things comes together to create something that is both soothing and invigorating at the same time—and two opposite things coming together in one tea is very Gemini, in my opinion.
Read our ranking of the best herbal tea
Cancer (June 21-July 22): Green Tea
I’m always unsure whether I’m in the mood for green tea, and then once I actually make some for myself, I remember why it is so dang good. It is subtle, earthy, floral, and, best of all, green! Cancers are similar in that at first they may seem like just another person, but once you get to know them there is just so much THERE there, you know what I mean? Very interesting folks, these Cancers—they’ll surprise ya.
Read our ranking of the best green tea
Leo (July 23-August 22): Matcha
Matcha is the bright green center of the drink world’s attention, and I fully believe she deserves it. Similarly, most Leos enjoy being the center of attention and, let’s be real, most of the time, they deserve it, too. Guess matcha and Leos are the perfect match-a…I will see myself out.
Related: What Is Matcha
Virgo (August 23-September 22): White Tea
Virgos are always doing multiple things at once and are some of the busiest people I know. Well, you know what else is busy? White tea. Not only does it taste delicate, fruity, floral, and delicious, but it also happens to be really good for you since it is the least processed of the classic tea types. It is jam-packed with antioxidants, has a good amount of caffeine to keep your energy up, and is just an all-around good time, just like Virgos.
Related: What Is White Tea?
Libra (September 23-October 22): Chai
Y’all already know why libras have to be chai. It is the perfect blend of spices mixed with a toasty black tea—and it is unmatched. There are at least six or seven different flavor notes you’ll detect at any given time, but they all fit together in perfect harmony. A Libra’s dream. Also, I’m no scientist, but whenever six or seven strong personalities pull up to the same function, a Libra being around is usually the reason people get along.
Read our ranking of the best chai tea
Scorpio (October 23-November 21): Rooibos
Rooibos is mysterious (until you read Sporked‘s explainer on the subject). A lot of us have had it and most of us like it—but also most of us have absolutely no idea what it actually is. This is just like Scorpios. Most of us know them and like them, but do we fully understand them? Never. And they like it that way. (I think. Not that they would ever tell us.)
Related: What Is Rooibos tea?
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): Earl Grey
Sagittarians like to learn things and Earl Grey does, in fact, sound like the name of a college professor. That’s mostly what I based this tea-zodiac pick on. However, if you MUST have a more cogent reason, Earl Grey has bergamot in it—and what is bergamot, anyway? I be a Sagittarius would know. Because they know things. Because they like having the knowledge.
Read our ranking of the best Earl Grey tea
Capricorn (December 22-January 19): Oolong
Capricorns are patient people and based on the name I bet this tea takes oo-long time to brew.
AHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Just kidding, it takes like three-ish minutes. But ya gotta admit it was a great bit.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18): Milk Tea With Boba
Aquarians are outside-the-box thinkers. They like things to be unique and novel, just like them (but not exactly like them, because then they wouldn’t be unique). Well, to me that screams boba. There are so many different delicious milk tea-boba variations that already exist and so many more that people haven’t even thought of yet. Boba is a creative tea lover’s playground, and Aquarius is easily the most creative sign.
Read our ranking of the best boba kits
Pisces (February 19-March 20): Ginger
They don’t call ’em “Spicy Pisces” for nothing, and ginger tea is just about the spiciest tea you can buy. When it comes to teas that actually give you a little eye-watering oomph, ginger tea is one of the few. Plus, if you add enough sugar, this tea becomes a cozy sweet treat, and there is nothing more Pisces than a cozy sweet treat. In fact, I would call any time spent with Pisces people a cozy sweet treat.
Read our ranking of the best ginger tea
