Hey, don’t freak out or anything, but you should know there are two new Tillamook ice cream flavors out right now: Tillamook Salty Caramel Pretzel ice cream and Tillamook Apple Crisp ice cream. I saw the announcement and blacked out. Next thing I knew, I was holding both cartons. (But you shouldn’t freak out. One of us needs to hold it together, okay?)
Oh, Tillamook. My favorite fluffy ice cream brand that I will never pronounce correctly. (If you don’t want me to say “mook” like Lisa’s character in White Lotus, then you shouldn’t have spelled it like that. I’m not sorry.) A spoonful of you is like a spoonful of pure cloud. I don’t know if I’m allowed to play real favorites in this biz, but you and Van Leeuwen have me in a love triangle, that’s for sure. So in the spirit of true love, let’s dive head first into this review, shall we?
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Pros: I need to hurry up and write this so I can eat more of it unburdened by a looming deadline, so allow me to list off all of the things I loved in a rushed, artless sprint: The caramel has a rich, buttery depth and freshness. Instead of pooling into one gooey spot on the top, it’s drizzled evenly throughout the whole tub. The pretzels are actually crunchy, thanks to their dark chocolate coating (which also tastes high quality, per Tillamook’s usual standards). That coating creates a barrier between the dry pretzel and cloudlike cream. Smart, Tillamook…very smart. Most importantly, the salt level is perfect. Any more salt would be too much. Any less, and the flavors wouldn’t harmonize as well as they do.
Cons: I want! More! Pretzels! I can’t believe I have to complain that there’s too much fluffy, delicious, caramel-infused ice cream…but there’s too much fluffy, delicious, caramel-infused ice cream! A little more crunch would go a long way, that’s all I’m saying. Otherwise, this new Tillamook ice cream is dangerously close to perfect.
Pros: I adore Tillamook Apple Crisp Ice Cream as a concept. Even looking at the stupid-cute baked apple crisp packaging warmed my dead little heart. And I’m happy to report that, overall, it’s pretty scrumptious. When you get a bite of sugary, cinnamon-y streusel and tender apple, it’s a euphoric experience. Somehow, the ice cream itself (not the diced apple or the oats, but the literal ice cream base) tastes like apple pie. That’s pretty remarkable.
Cons: I’ll be the first to admit that I hold Tillamook to an extremely high standard. You just can’t find a soft, fluffier, creamier, dreamier store-bought ice cream brand. And it’s so rare for them to have a bad flavor. But my critique here is pretty similar to before: more mix-ins, please! It’s too much cream, not enough apple bits and crunchy streusel. This had the potential to be my new favorite ice cream, but it needs a little extra oomph.
Ariana Losch is a Sporked contributor, webcomic writer, java junkie, and bad TV enthusiast. She only ever feels at peace laying out on a beach like a kebab, roasting in the sun; sadly, she can never move back to Florida, her home state, because there simply isn’t enough good Mediterranean food. You can find her overstaying her welcome at just about every LA coffee shop, working on a screenplay and avoiding all eye contact. (She is embarrassed to be there, please leave her alone.)
Thoughts? Questions? Complete disagreement? Leave a comment!
Thoughts? Questions? Complete disagreement? Leave a comment!