This Trader Joe’s Canned Cocktail Might Just Be The Strongest Around

Canned cocktails used to be timid little things – but not anymore. As ready-to-drink beverages have skyrocketed in popularity (this year, they became the biggest-selling alcohol in the country, ahead of vodka, for the first time), a dizzying number of new options have appeared, and drink producers have figured out that people like a little punch. And I’m not talking about the beverage of sometimes-questionable provenance that you find sitting in a big bowl in the middle of a party; I’m talking about strength. Booze. Cocktails that will genuinely get you drunk, that you don’t have to mix yourself.

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And one of the strongest out there – well, one that’s available in a mainstream retailer – is at Trader Joe’s. Trust me, you’ll want to check the ABV on this one before you crack it open.

Trader Joe’s Everything But The Bartender Long Island Iced Tea

Take a detour down the alcohol aisle at Trader Joe’s, and you’ll soon encounter its Everything But The Bartender Long Island Iced Tea. This isn’t just a pale imitation of an actual Long Island: Containing tequila, rum, vodka, gin, and triple sec, it’s the real deal in an easily transportable form. It’s also a beast of a beverage: Each 200-ml can is 19% ABV. Essentially, one of these is roughly equivalent, in alcohol terms, to drinking between a third and half of a bottle of wine. For comparison, Twisted Tea’s Extreme Long Island Iced Tea has 8% ABV.

TJ’s Long Island Iced Tea is slightly stronger than the other cocktails in its Everything But The Bartender range, with the rest of them (like its Margarita, Paloma, and Cosmopolitan) hovering at 15% ABV. Despite its supercharged strength, though, Trader Joe’s customers love it. “I hate to admit this but it reminds me of college lol, except there’s no nasty aftertaste and lingering headache afterwards lol. I rate it 10/10,” said one person on Reddit. Want to relive those glory days with an ever-so-slightly classier vibe? This one’s for you. 

A Game Of Strength

Trader Joe’s Long Island might be fierce, but it’s far from alone in its high alcoholic strength. There are other supercharged canned cocktails out there that make TJ’s drink look positively tame in comparison. Cans of Hochstadter’s Slow & Low Proper Old Fashioned, for example, come in at an eye-watering 42% ABV and contain just rye whiskey, rock candy, raw honey, Angostura bitters, and orange peel. Golden Rule’s canned Daiquiri, meanwhile, is 26% ABV, strong enough to knock you sideways. As a former bartender, I’m glad to see the increased availability of punchy canned drinks, instead of options bloated with sugar and water, but err on the side of caution with these, people.