A Very Honest Review of the New Trader Joe’s Pizza Bites

I’m well versed in the bite-sized-pizza-appetizer corner of the frozen food aisle. Pizza Rolls, Bagel Bites, Totino’s Party Pizzas—I grew up on them all. Naturally, I was excited to try these new Trader Joe’s pizza bites (Panzerotti Pizza Bites, to be precise), even though they’re up against pret-ty stiff competition. Can they hold up to the titans of the poppable pizza world? I needed to find out.

The best way to describe these new frozen hors d’oeuvres is by likening them to mini calzones. They consist of pizza dough folded over a gooey filling and sealed up so nothing leaks out until you dig in. These are a little pale looking out of the bag, but the crust gets nice and golden once they’ve been cooked. Unlike Pizza Rolls or Bagel Bites, there are no choices for “toppings” here—it’s just straight cheese and sauce—but they are slightly larger than either of those. (I’d call them “mini empanada sized.”) Overall they’re fine, but given the choice, I can’t imagine picking these over Pizza Rolls. But allow me to give you the rundown so you can make your own choice.

New Product!

Trader Joe’s Panzerotti Pizza Bites

Trader Joe’s

Pros: The filling is a melty blend of mozzarella cheese and a tangy, herbaceous tomato sauce. It’s not nearly as gooey as the filling inside Totino’s Pizza Rolls, but the sauce makes it very flavorful. I’d say this is the one way these new Trader Joe’s pizza bites improve upon Pizza Rolls. You could enjoy these just for the flavor of the sauce, while Pizza Rolls are all about the whole package—cheese, sauce, pepperoni (or other meat) pieces, and the egg roll wrapper-like dough all coming together. 

Cons: The filling-to-dough ratio is comically bad. There’s way too much dough and not enough filling. I do think there was sauce and cheese in every bite I had, but barely—the bites I took of the edges were nearly dry. You can’t really taste the filling until you get to the middle of a pocket. Meanwhile, Pizza Rolls are literally bursting with sauce and cheese when you take them out of the oven or air fryer. It’s not a fair fight. And the dough is pretty bland, which sucks considering there’s so much of it. When it comes to good pizza, good dough is, like, 75% of the experience. This is not good dough, so you’re left just hoping your next bite actually contains some sauce and cheese. I think you could salvage these with a bit of garlic butter brushed on the outside, but Trader Joe’s should have thought of that!

Rating:

5/10

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