If you’re the one lucky individual who Pedro Pascal chooses to protect during the inevitable fungi-fueled apocalypse, then you can click off of this page. This is for those of us who know it’ll be up to us to prepare for the worst thing imaginable. With these fine items, it’ll be a slight step up from the worst thing imaginable. Sure, you can’t shower, there’s no Netflix, and society has collapsed, but at least you’ll be eating better than the Average Joe. Be sure to add these items to your shopping list for your next (and maybe last) trip to the grocery store!
- Amy’s Organic Chili Medium
Maybe you are the Pedro Pascal in this apocalypse scenario and you choose to adopt someone as the world falls apart—very noble of you. However, you quickly learn they’re from California—gasp! What will you feed them? Have no fear, you’ve stocked up on Amy’s Organic Chili Medium. It’s organic and made with tofu, so they’ll be in heaven (or as close as you can get to it when you’re fighting off zombies at every moment of the day and night). Even if you usually like chili with meat, you’ll like this. Your apocalypse hoard already tastes so good!
- A Dozen Cousins Cuban Black Beans
Would having a dozen cousins that survive with you be a good thing or a bad thing? On one hand, they’d be there to help with those shifts keeping watch (for zombies or, worse, other people), but on the other hand, it’s twelve more mouths you have to feed. Hopefully they come with a truckload of A Dozen Cousins Cuban Black Beans so that last point won’t be as big an issue. Just because the world is crumbling around you doesn’t mean you have to force down unseasoned beans out of a can. A Dozen Cousins offers a bag of beans that’s well seasoned with salt, pepper, garlic and cumin. You and all your cousins will be eating well as you try to survive!
- Sam’s Choice Slow Roasted Creamy Almond Butter
We’re prepping to impress here, folks! While all the neighbors are choking down their basic-ass peanut butter, you and your inner circle of survivalists will be living high on the hog with your Sam’s Choice almond butter. It’s flavorful, smooth, packed with protein, but it won’t drown you in oil like other almond butters. Too much oil in a world with limited toilet paper rations? Disaster.
- American Tuna with Sea Salt
Canned fish is an apocalypse essential, but we’re not settling for any old canned tuna. The world has ended! Money is meaningless! That’s why we think you should splurge on American Tuna with Sea Salt; it’s pricier than your average Chicken of the Sea or Starkist, but money is literally no object here anymore. Mythical Kitchen’s Josh Scherer described it as a “deliciously tender, well-salted tuna.” And even if Josh doesn’t survive whatever disaster brought down society as we know it, his legacy of good taste can and should live on. Don’t you agree?
- Misfits Plant-Powered Chocolate Protein Bar Variety Box
Listen, I’m going to have a sweet treat at the end of my day even if it’s the last damn thing I do (and it could be if the world’s gone to shit). I suppose my typical little dish of ice cream is off the table if the electrical grid has gone down, so we’ll go with plan b: Misfits Plant-Powered Chocolate Protein Bar Variety Box. These vegan protein bars are tasty and healthful and come in fun desserty flavors. Plus, protein is important when you’re battling zombies. I’m sure of it!