Our Honest Review of the New Jarred Velveeta Queso

If you’ve wanted to make your own homemade Velveeta cheese and salsa dip, well, put that block of gold away and grab your tortilla chips. Velveeta queso in a jar is officially on the shelves and ready to melt your hearts. 

The average American has a core childhood memory of Velveeta cheese. For me, it’s a reminder of my eight-year-old self spending the weekends at my best friend’s house; her dad would make us “cheesy shells” for lunch while we watched The Princess Bride for the hundredth time. Some of my fondest memories, really. And that’s American consumerism at its finest. But does Velveeto queso taste as good as Westley’s love for Buttercup feels? At the very least, does it taste as good as the Velveeta and Ro-Tel queso you’ve had at every Super Bowl party you’ve ever attended? And will it bring me the same joy that spooning an entire box of mac into my mouth while whispering “as you wish” at the screen once did? Let’s find out.

Velveeta Queso Con Salsa Cheese Dip

New Product!

Velveeta Queso Con Salsa Cheese Dip

In the words of Vizzini, this Velveeta queso is “inconceivable!” It tastes exactly like jalapeno mixed into an extra thick, extra creamy Velveeta Shells & Cheese packet. Whether that’s good or bad will depend entirely on how much you love the tangy taste of Velveeta cheese, and how much you hate traditional queso. (Kidding! Kidding. You don’t have to hate queso. But if you’re a queso purist, beware.)

Pros: The product is exactly as advertised: A jar of spicy queso that tastes distinctly like the tangy, goopy, over-processed Velveeta cheese we all know, love, and in some cases, fear. You can even catch queso queen Jordan Myrick enjoying the hell out of it, so really, who am I to judge? (But keep in mind this is the same person who believes Velveeta Cheese is superior to all cheeses. Love you, Jordan, but the bias is bias-ing.)

Cons: This is the weirdest queso I’ve ever had, and in a strange way, I respect it. I enjoyed the experience, but not the overall taste. That sharp, tangy melted-plastic flavor of Velveeta is very obvious here, especially when you heat it up. With chips, it’s a little blasphemous. The flavor is too far removed from normal queso. I could really get behind this as a mac and cheese sauce over noodles, though—jalapeño-flavored mac and cheese sounds pretty bomb, actually. But as a dip, you’re better off buying a can of Ro-Tel and making your own.

Credit: Liv Averett / Kroger




About the Author

Ariana Losch

Ariana Losch is a Sporked contributor, webcomic writer, java junkie, and bad TV enthusiast. She only ever feels at peace laying out on a beach like a kebab, roasting in the sun; sadly, she can never move back to Florida, her home state, because there simply isn’t enough good Mediterranean food. You can find her overstaying her welcome at just about every LA coffee shop, working on a screenplay and avoiding all eye contact. (She is embarrassed to be there, please leave her alone.)

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