We Can’t Believe The Fruits AriZona Made Into Patriotic Punch

July 4th has come and gone, but the themed promotional mailers are still rolling in. Case in point, Circle K just sent over a red, white, and blue Igloo lunchbox packed with cans of their exclusive new AriZona drink: Patriotic Punch. AriZona puts out new chain-exclusive Fruit Juice Cocktail flavors as often as I can cover them; this time around, we’ve got a three-fruit blend to celebrate 250 years of America.

Videos by Sporked

Before I spoil the contents, please take a moment to ponder what three fruits you’d combine to celebrate this particular occasion. Would you lean towards a trio of red, white, and blue fruits? Maybe a classic American flavor combination? You’d never guess what’s actually in play inside this eagle-emblazoned big can.

Which three fruits are in AriZona’s Patriotic Punch?

Per the description on the can, AriZona Patriotic Punch Fruit Juice Cocktail is made up of “sweet grapes, tart cherry, and tropical pineapple“. What?

I cannot determine the thought process of combining these three fruits to celebrate the U.S.A.; the only explanation I can land on is that this recipe came out of the lab with such high ratings that AriZona had to sell it as soon as possible–relevance to the theme be damned. So, did this drink blow us away like a fireworks display?

AriZona Sparkling Patriotic Punch Fruit Juice Cocktail Review

New AriZona Fruit Juice Cocktail!

Pros: If you’re looking for a drink that tastes like a political argument at the family dinner table during the holidays, AriZona absolutely nailed it.

Cons: If you couldn’t tell, that was not a truly positive statement. AriZona’s Patriotic Punch is just plain weird. These fruits do not mesh well together in the slightest, nor do they benefit from the addition of carbonation. How did this get past the first taste test?

And another thing: AriZona has refused to respond to social media comments about whether the brand is using generative AI (colloquially known as plagiarism) to illustrate some of its new packaging. The brand has a long history of great design, so I believe they understand the value of human artistic vision. I hope to deliver a “good news!” update on that topic as soon as the brand is willing to comment.

Credit: Griffin Parker / AriZona Beverages / Circle K

Rating:

3.5/10

Sporks