Credit: Liv Averett / Instacart / Walmart / World Market
Whether you’re looking for a tasty shelf-stable meal, food to get you through the next natural disaster (seriously, is hurricane season over yet?), or simply stocking up for the apocalypse, the best canned meat might be your new best friend. Unfortunately, the good stuff is hard to find—some can taste as unappetizing as the phrase “canned meat” suggests. But never fear, Sporked is here. From savory canned chicken to flavorful ham, we’ve compiled a list of the best canned meats from our taste tests that actually taste good. Here are the top contenders to stack in your pantry…or your hurricane bunker.
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Here’s something unfortunate that we know, and now you have to know, too: Too many brands of canned chicken taste like bland canned tuna. Thankfully, Swanson White & Dark actually tastes like chicken—similar to a chicken pot pie filling. That’s the power of dark meat chicken, if you ask us. At 360 mg of sodium per serving, the salt content isn’t too bad, either.
Hormel makes some of the best canned meat from our taste tests, and their ham is no exception. In addition to being, well, huge (3 pounds, to be exact), Hormel’s canned ham is super savory, marbled like real premium pork, and comes at a good price. This is the stuff you want to buy if you’re looking for canned ham that reminds you the most of fresh ham—not some pork byproduct in a can. Though, honestly, that can taste pretty delicious, too.
We loved the sheer fattiness of Great Value’s Corned Beef. The extra fat brings a richer, more savory flavor out of the meat when cooked, and allows it to crisp up to a mouthwatering golden brown. Yes, I just used “mouthwatering” to describe meat in a can. You can’t beat that Great Value price, either. Currency may be meaningless in the apocalypse, but don’t waste your money on more expensive brands! The world isn’t over yet.
You know what may make the apocalypse worth living through? Waking up with Hormel’s corned beef hash on the breakfast menu. (Especially if you’re my uncle—my uncle loves this stuff.) For the most part, we can thank the sodium in this canned corned beef hash for its overall yumminess, and we’re perfectly okay with that. It’s meat and potatoes, you guys. Fry an egg on top and go to town.
Yes, we just made the argument that the world isn’t over yet, and you shouldn’t waste your money—but buying Cole’s Select Snow Crab isn’t a waste! This stuff may be the most expensive canned crab meat we tried (sorry), but lordy, this stuff is worth every pretty penny. You’re getting meat from every distinct part of the crab (leg meat, claw meat, etc.) with a buttery, fatty flavor. It’s a cheaper substitute for whole crab, and you can use it to make all your favorite dishes, like crab bisque or white wine spaghetti. Seriously: Shell it out for this canned crab, y’all. Oh, and if you came here looking for more canned seafood, check out our roundup of the best tinned fish from our taste tests.
Tony Packo’s hot dog chili is an institution around Toledo, Ohio—but thanks to our readers, we were able to discover and try this incredible hot dog sauce for ourselves. This stuff is fatty, extra beefy in a way that’s perfect for chili dogs and chili burgers, and nicely seasoned. We get many recommendations from readers for products that have local acclaim, but don’t sell nationwide; we’re happy to report that you can buy Tony Packo’s through Amazon or directly from their website.
“This is not a beef stew for a novice. This is the best canned beef stew for professionals,” writes fellow professional taste-tester Jordan Myrick. You have to love beef stew in order to appreciate what Dinty Moore has to offer: a thick, gravy-like broth, nicely cooked vegetables, and meat aplenty. If you can build a fire with nothing but two sticks and a dream, this is the best canned meat for you. Ron Swansons of America, rise up.
Ariana Losch is a Sporked contributor, webcomic writer, java junkie, and bad TV enthusiast. She only ever feels at peace laying out on a beach like a kebab, roasting in the sun; sadly, she can never move back to Florida, her home state, because there simply isn’t enough good Mediterranean food. You can find her overstaying her welcome at just about every LA coffee shop, working on a screenplay and avoiding all eye contact. (She is embarrassed to be there, please leave her alone.)
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